Haruka's Diary
Chasing After Rainbows: April 2010

24 April 2010

Alternate Dimension (Part 50)

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With the time spent preparing my club for the festival and helping out my classmates, there are only a few weeks left before the end of the holidays. With Itsuki now having fallen ill, I don't know how much time I have left. That is, if I were to take care of him.

Mother: "Saeko-chan. I appreciate you taking care of him, but aren't you supposed to have your break too? He might have been too ill to tell you this, but he wants you to collect documents all the way from somewhere in Hong Kong in his place."

Aren't you contradicting what you just said? Having me go to a far-away place just to collect something. But what about customs? For me, things like my thumbprint are exactly the same as Itsuki's and might cause confusions. As for the passport, well, there isn't an issue as the thumbprint looks the same and my current name there is reflected there instead of the one from the other dimension, but I don't know what the person at the counter is doing behind the counter does when verifying my passport or during security checks. I have to call someone from the Hatsuya Institute.

Supervisor of Inami branch: "Oh Saeko! We were waiting for you to call us especially since Itsuki has fallen ill. Anyways, we did some things and you should have no problems passing through the airport."

Me: "Thank you. Is that all?"

I've never been to Hong Kong before, so I'm not sure what to expect upon arriving, or know my way around even if I were given directions. It is, however, not my first time being overseas or in a high-density city.

Supervisor: "One more thing: just last week, the director hinted at a meeting that you are likely to enter another high school right after you graduated from your current school and are in the early stages of studying what could happen and are making the necessary paperwork. I don't know anything more than that."

What did you say? Me having to go to high school again? It's already my fifth year attending high school, and you want me to attend it for nine or more years? That's far longer than both primary and middle school combined! I reluctantly replied.

Me: "Did you overhear this, or did he tell you personally or at a meeting."

Imagine, a large conference room meeting discussing about me like I'm some billion (American) dollar "android" so secret that even the "android" itself doesn't even know anything about the meeting itself. I hate to think myself as an invincible human robot, but sadly, I am. This was during the months I was paralyzed after being cloned and found myself at a massive underground lab inside a liquid-filled capsule that I was floating around and wasn't drowning in. I don't know what they did to me exactly.

Supervisor: "I don't recall where he said it, but he mentioned something about 'knowing more of yourself' and 'reduce distractions by the opposite gender'."

Guess I won't know what it is exactly until it draws nearer.

This body I accidentally got stuck into now is permanent and technically the property of the Hatsuya Institute and is able to make me do things against my will, like what Itsuki did to me on my actual birthday last year. I mean, my body is deliberately designed to be helpless when attacked. As a female: I am smaller than Itsuki and could actually give birth to babies and produce drinkable milk if only they were not blocked. Changing clothes takes a long time. I think less of that and more of wanting to love another guy. My hair has to be longer than that of guys, but not too long. With breasts, longer hair, and this irremovable swimsuit I'm forced to wear, I feel very hot in the summer on top of my tighter clothing and my hair being in the way. I don't know how I'm still healthy and alive despite not eating or drinking for many weeks, or even survived after being cut into pieces. I know it happened because I saw it with my own eyes and felt the extreme pain far beyond what I have ever felt. When I am with Itsuki and meeting someone only he knows (there's a big time gap since I was separated), they would be shocked that I am his younger sister they have never heard before. Sometimes, he would hold me up like a baby as I'm smaller and lighter than him. Sometimes, he does say the truth about a cloning experiment that went wrong and I was the part of his mind that was transferred to the cloned body. The fact that I'm an attractive girl that originated from a boring guy made them look at the both of us, as though trying to find how we are alike, and yet lead different lives. He never mentioned about me being the founder of the Powell institute though to protect my identity or wasn't thinking about it at all.

I wonder what was that machine that made me have this body? A cloning machine, or a set of failed teleportation machines? Since I was already a worker of the Hatsuya Institute of some respectable level, I think they became lenient on me over some random intruder (which they were actually expecting). I mean, the way they said it is that I have to do as I was told, but the only thing they did to me was to have me to attend high school numerous times as a student (I don't age) until they are happy with it, an approximately ten thousand percent increase in my pay on top of my salary from Powell Institute as the founder. The only people from there who are in direct contact with me are Itsuki and Kotomi, both whom I know very well and quite close with. Kotomi would be able to intervene what Itsuki doing to me as mental torture, but she won't be back from California until the summer of my first year of that school the supervisor just mentioned for her university studies. It's sad that I can't change the order by the supervisor.

Anyways, my task briefing seems to imply that I would head to the office in a place called Kowloon (九龍; I had confused the name with the Kuryuu islands when I saw the kanji at first), which is like a central area of Hong Kong, and then head straight back here in Japan with no stops in between. As the time-frame wasn't specified, I guess I could take my time and come back before the second school semester begins in September.

Security on both sides are quite thight ever since that incident in New York almost six years ago. Not sure if it's just me, but unlike everyone else, all the airport immigration and security personell totally ignored me. It's as though I don't exist. Why am I the odd one out?

So, as we landed into the (name of current airport) on Lantau Island that is about a decade old instead of an older one that is dangerously surrounded by tall apartment complexes. It was already evening when I arrived, so I wouldn't expect anyone to be around when I arrive. Plus, I don't know the way there.

My first impressions of Hong Kong was that it had the same atmosphere of a country I went to two years earlier. In terms of things like infrastructure, however, it's more developed. Sadly, I don't know much of the place or have any idea where to go now. Try out the food here? Go shopping? Hm? Someone is calling me?

Itsuki: "Sorry to spoil your shopping mood, but there's someone pointing a sniper riffle at you and his men hidden in the croud around you. If he were to shoot at anywhere besides your main body, you might get seriously injured and some perment mental damage if the bullet enters your head. There's a parked red and white taxi with the numbers 6374 that is about to be overtaken by a brown double decker bus. Take it and the driver will bring you to somewhere safe."

Sure enough, there is a bus overtaking a taxi with the said number in front of me. It as though Itsuki is hiding somewhere near me, but he's still back in Japan. Than that means...

I saw a suspious man in a building behind me across the road holding a long gun with a scope attached. Upon realizing that I was looking at him, he quickly prepared his gun and shot at my head and my legs. The face of an unknown man who shot me was the last thing I saw before my vision blurred. My hearing became muffled and had great difficulty uttering a single word.

I wasn't able to run for the taxi as my legs are disabled, and my crawling rate is very slow. I could still see the fuzzy colours of the taxi. I knew that the men Itsuki mentioned might take advantage of me being injured. Previous incidents of me being attacked only involved my main body and not the rest.

Suddenly, someone picked me up and lay me on the back seat of a vehicle. I can't tell if it was the taxi driver, the suspicious men, or one of the people around me. By this time, I blanked out.


Female voice: "Hisakawa-San? Wake up! It's me, Takagi."

I opened my eyes and my head feels different. I'm in a one-bed hospital ward surrounded by people, but Takagi and some unknown people from either Hatsuya or Powell institutes are the only ones I could see.

Takagi: "Saeko! I was really worried when I heard you being assassinated. It was on the local news all over. I didn't know it was you as they called you Gau Chuen Sagongji for some reason until I saw the kanji and your face.."

I don't know in what way has the bullet affected me. My memories seem to have something missing: The place I recall being shot in the head has oddly fewer people and I was shot by a floating gun by itself. Odd, what is missing from my memories?

Me: "Takagi, what am I doing at a hospital with my head and leg wrapped in bandages? And which hospital am I at?"

Takagi: "At a private hospital in Hong Kong. A company called Fatt Guk Institute brought you in and said that they would help to send you back to Japan. Anyway, two of your club mates have came all the way from their holiday trip to visit you after they heard from the news. They're outside."

I only saw Sakurai Kazumi (桜井和美), a classmate I had studying sessions a few weeks earlier, walking in. Next to her are a boutique of... FLOATING FLOWERS???!!!

Kazumi: "Saeko-chan? What's wrong? It's just *****-chan."

Her voice was muffled at the mention of the name. There's definitely something wrong with me: nobody would muffle suddenly, and I know that flower can't be floating, but I'm seeing nothing holding it. A ghost?

Me: "The... the flowers are floating in mid-air! And I couldn't hear the name you just said, seriously. I don't know why I can't see it that I'm starting to think that it's a ghost."

As though something caught their attention they turned to look at a wall on my right that only has chairs. What is so interesting about that wall?

Takagi: "The only living things she could only see and hear are female humans?!"

Wait, there was someone else standing in the direction of the wall they were staring at? And I can't see males? What are the exceptions or cure said by whoever they are talking to? Why am I suddenly holding a camera?

Kazumi: "He told you to see if you can see and hear them through an electronic device."

Unsure, I took a look and... what? This is like telling a myopic person without glasses to look through the screen of a digital camera and be amazed at "the quality" of what they could see through the device instead of with their unaided eyes. I see no difference.

Me: "Sorry. If it worked, I should be able to see males and animals. I mean, I could only see an empty neck collar of what they say is a dog, or for live sports events on  TV, the place looks unusually quiet. It's as though, from my point of view, they had vanished. The state of my damaged brain is as though I have forgotten what non-human females are like and can't see them. Their actions with a non-living thing from my point of view looks as though there are invisible ghosts interacting with them."

I myself am shocked that I can't see or hear what I was able to before I was shot in the head. My damaged brain doesn't know what I can't see, but knows that something seems odd based on what I can see.

Chapter 11

18 April 2010

I have aphasia?

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From what I have read, I might have aphasia (失語症). I don't know why my spoken vocabulary is a lot different than my writing vocabulary, with the former being more limited. In fact, just trying to speak alone takes up a lot of effort. My mother said that I had a seizure somewhere just after I was born. I don't know the exact details of it though.

What kind of aphasia do I have? As you can see, I can write meaningful sentences and not add meaningless words in it. If you had read the stories I wrote here for the past 20 months, or my Twitter posts ("tweets") for the past 15 months, you would have known that. Then again, I can't write as quickly as I type. Of course, I can understand speech too, or you wouldn't have noticed me talking about it unless it's about a silent film from more than a century ago or post screenshots with subtitles on it. Who knows, I'm not an expert in the medical field. I might not even have it, but the symptoms mentioned are, in some ways, quite similar to what I'm facing. Quite annoying if what I said is a simplified version of what I wanted to say, and the meaning can be ambiguous.

Oddly enough, I can actually feel activity with my brain, especially around my behind-right side. In fact, I even notice delays between knowing what I want to write and me actually writing it. That's why I'm always one of the last to complete things as compared to someone doing the same thing, but started slightly later than me that I wonder where the time went. Even typing this paragraph alone took me quite some time: I know what to type, but I see my hand not moving in the position of typing the last word. Heck, it even happened in the space between the two words highlighted in yellow in the previous sentence. When looking at any language besides the one I am fluent in, my head seem to go haywire, causing me to have difficulty learning the language unless it appears repetitively. Another odd thing is that, besides my head rolling all over and feeling weak, I didn't notice a change in my mental capacity even way past my bedtime. It's as though my body is the only part of me that is feeling sleepy, although there's never a day night where I never slept because I forced myself to.

So, I started writing this right in the middle of writing S2P50 (Alternate Dimension Part 50). The auto-generated time upon me starting to write this is about 73 minutes ago, and I hadn't had my attention distracted.

10 April 2010

Alternate Dimension (Part 49)

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We spent the whole day trying out various hairstyles and clothes my mother was willing to give me. She seems to have some old clothes that have yet to be opened from their shopping bags. A fraction of those seemed expensive and another seemed to have been bought before I was born.

Me: "Er, mom? Why do you have so many shoes and clothes I've never seen you wear before?"

Mother: "Me and your dad bought them at flee market and discount sales at department stores. Others were what I have only worn once for various interviews. I don't have much space left to store these, but I would rather give them away to a family member than to throwing or selling them away."

I already have a lot of clothes and shoes, but I shouldn't reject her offer either and... and... oh great. I'm starting to feel sleepy and can't think as I would want to and my thoughts are now filled with nothing but wanting to sleep.

Mother: "You seemed tired. Why don't you take a rest in your room."

Without much thought, I did not change out of what I last wore and instantly fell asleep upon lying on the bed. I miss this bed. Also, I had the pillow and blanket over me to block out the outside noise and sunlight. It's so effective, that I see nothing but pitch black when I opened my eyes.

Except, there was weight a lot heavier than myself on top of me when I woke up. What is this? I can't move!

Me: "Mphf! Hmf fp mf!"

I tried to shout and struggle, but I can't open my lips as my face is against the mattress and heard an illegible sound instead of what I wanted to say from my vocal chords. The struggling, however, was enough to attract attention. The weight that restricted my movement seem to have lifted and jumped out of bed to see what was going on.

That was when I saw a very familiar face.

Itsuki: "Oh, forgive me! I didn't know you were sleeping on my bed, Mom told me that there was a guest visiting, but didn't seem to know where you were as your shoes were still at the entrance. Forgive me for asking, but who are you?"

He doesn't seem to recognize who I am. Also, the mattress I was sleeping on was so soft that I sank a lot into it and it's possible that he didn't notice me because of that and the blanket on top of me.

Me: "Is that all you have to say after what you did? You could have ruined my life from braking my bones with your weight you know: my body's quite fragile, and I'm an important person to many people and organizations!"

Itsuki: "I'm really sorry. It won't happen again!"

He seemed really apologetic, but tried hard not to look at me.

Me: "Well, it's partly my fault for hiding in bed. Anyways, I am the founder of the Powell Research Institute, Hisakawa Sae..."

I was expecting him to look at me and shout at me for pulling at prank or something, but he collapsed onto the floor instead.

Itsuki: "I was easily deceived by my other self that has a body of its own and is living a life a lot better than what I have. Despite having seen her long enough to remember her appearance, how did I fail to recognize her this time until she mentioned her name? I tried to treat her as my other self, but her appearance as the opposite gender is too distracting for me to think properly. But, why can't I be her if she is me?"

Itsuki was mumbling something about me when, without warning, shot up and hugged me. He seems to have started crying too. H-hey!

Itsuki: "Sorry, I've just had not been hugged lately, and I've always wanted to physically hug myself for a long time,"

Him hugging me really feels like I'm being hugged by myself as both his and my aura are the same. Wait... that can't be right: siblings and even twins have their own unique ones.

Itsuki: "Saeko, will you help me..."

He lost a grip of me and collapsed onto the floor. He seems to be breathing heavily and in pain. Is he ill? I haven't fallen sick for years that I forgot what it is like, but to see a part of me collapse is quite worrying. I mean, I don't know if I'm affected if something bad were to happen to him.

Me: "Itsuki? Itsuki! Are you all right? You don't look so well."

Itsuki: "Yeah, just a high fever I caught from a random passer-by somewhere. I came home early to rest but couldn't do so with you preventing my rest and making me more worked up that makes my problem worse. Look at me! Do I look healthy? Of course not! I'm very ill! Don't forget that I can make you do what I want if only this illness is not making me weak to the point that I can't get out of bed without using a lot of my energy."

What is he babbling about? I didn't do anything to him and he wants to attack me, his other self that he is somehow jealous about.

Me: "Do you really have a fever? Or are you acting to lower the chances of me expecting your sudden actions? Let me see..."

Itsuki didn't seem to resist when I sat down on the floor to touch his forehead to check just how ill he is.

Me: "Hm... You really do have a high fever that you might need to be sent to hospital if it goes any higher. You really should take a break for about two weeks. Would you like me to do anything for you?"

Itsuki: "Just my mobile phone and those tablets in the kitchen. Before that, could you help to drag me to bed? Sorry, but I can't help myself: I could barely move my arms."

His eyes were closed as he said that, as though he had forgotten the anger he had towards me.

Chapter 11

05 April 2010

Alternate Dimension (Part 48)

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I have found myself awake shortly before the alarm rang. I don't know how I'm able to do that.

The summer vacation is still ongoing and I should be having time to myself, but people who rely on me too much are still contacting me. Didn't I tell them not to contact me except in real emergencies? Sadly, they didn't take me seriously, they hardly do except a few.

As though he could read my mind from very far away, Itsuki invited me to stay at my parent's house at Inami City. I have not been there lately due to the traveling times to and from Kamisugi City, which is where I am currently staying. Itsuki could afford to do so as taking care of me is part of his job. I wonder if he's staying elsewhere?

My house in Kamisugi City is within the Powell Institute Headquarters. I have to follow the dress code to avoid them stopping me unnecessarily as I head to the parking area. Fortunately, I don't need to carry my luggage, so they won't stop me for carrying peculiar things despite the right dress code because I'm not carrying anything!

There isn't a place to park my car at my parents' place as there isn't a garage there, and the road right outside it is narrow to only allow a vehicle to pass through. So I have no choice but to park at my other house and use my bicycle that is parked there. Need to pump the tires first though, as all the air pressure is gone from the long period of non-usage.

Upon arrival, it seems that only my mother is there to greet me. In the other dimension, this actually belonged to someone else, but there were hints that my family lived there before the new house was complete. (I was attending Mihara Academy at that time.) The other me (Ituski) had introduced me to her last year, explaining my situation and showing medical documents that I am their child, or at least how identical I am to Itsuki. I don't mind staying in my old room there, but with my other self... I'm not sure.

They didn't say if they had preferred a daughter over a son, but it does seem obvious with the way I'm treated. This is evident with the family album with me in it that I saw at the other dimension. I mean, piano completion during my childhood days? Frequent overseas holidays? Parents regularly attending my annual school sports festival? People gathering around me like I'm some celebrity? Well, these are what my counterpart has went through, so I roughly know what's going on, but can't really recall when I want to as I myself never went through them.

Mother: "Oh? Saeko-chan! It's been a while. I thought you were Itsuki with that lab coat until I noticed something different."

Although she knows that I was formerly part of Itsuki, she's not used to having the idea of having a young girl as their child. I could tell that she's trying to treat me the same way as him but there's the temptation to treat me differently from my other half. I mean, what's worse? Treating your own siblings badly or your own child? Obviously it's the latter.

Me: "You mean he would be coming back soon?"

Her mood changed, as though telling me that I shouldn't have said that. Huh? I was just asking what time he would return home from work. Did she misinterpret it or misheard me?

Mother: "No. I meant that you resemble both me and your father in ways just as what we wanted our child to look like. I've always wanted a daughter, but after so many miscarriages, I was finally able to give birth to Itsuki. However, I found out that I can't give birth to anymore children. After the long time we spent meeting doctors around the world, they said that I can't..."

She can't seem to bring herself to say it, but it does explain why they were always overseas most of the time. Mom's job qualifications meant that she could have worked in a job better than dad's. The amount of money she could have made in that time if she had worked and the amount of money that could have been saved from meeting the doctors meant that what my counterpart went through isn't too far-fetched. They wanted a child would carry on their bloodline more than one who would just carry on the family name or culture. Quite rare for most families.

Mother: "We could have lived a better life than..."

Me: "Er, why don't I cook for you lunch while you take a rest?"

I feel sad for being the only child my parents could give birth to and though of the siblings that I could have had. She never gave any hint of this problem to me prior to today. She might not want to think too much of it, or wanted to wait until I was old enough.

Mother: "Oh? That's quite a nice favourite meal of mine you have cooked for me. Even the way you are serving it is lovely. You really are my daughter."

I felt happy, yet uncomfortable, on her saying this.

I know what she liked to eat as I (as Itsuki) noticed her cooking a particular food, but only having it to herself. It's the only meal she cooks at home that doesn't taste good, judging from her reaction. I could tell it's her favourite food as she keeps cooking it for herself, but does not like the taste. She mixes the ingredients of it with the food for dinner on the kitchen table.

Mother: "Wow, it even tastes the best among all the versions I had, but to think it was done by my own child, you really are something. How did you learn it? Itsuki only knows how to boil instant noodles."

Even I myself don't know how to cook, let alone taste excellent and look appetizing. I would just need to analyse the kitchen equipment, time and food ingredients available, the occasion, and the intention of wanting to cook for someone before my hands does all the preparations and cooking.

Me: "Well, I figured that people would expect me to be able to cook seeing that I am quite good at everything else."

Mother: "Good for you. Now I know who to look for should I want something delicious. No, I'm kidding. Sorry to have you unexpectedly do this upon reaching after I made myself cry unnecessary. It was a hard subject not to cry at. At least Itsuki has found a girlfriend who would most likely be his wife by the name of Miyazawa Kotomi. He introduced me to her two years ago. "

No wonder I rarely see you sad.

Mother: "By the way, do you have anything to wear besides your work attire or school uniform? Something that you would only wear at home or walking around the neighbourhood? And where's your luggage? You couldn't have cycled all the way from Kamisugi City empty-handed and still not sweat at all in this hot weather in all that clothing."

Me: "Well, I went to my other house nearby on the way here and had my luggage brought here."

Mother: "You did? Nobody came here between the time your dad left and you coming here. Don't tell me you have something like a four-dimensional pocket on you..."

How did she guess, or is she thinking about a popular 1970s anime that is still well known today? I didn't dare to ask or reply. She's not the type who could be fooled easily by anyone outside her family, but shows love towards people. I don't know much about what my parents do prior to me being born.

Chapter 11

02 April 2010

Recent anime that I'm unlikely to watch but have seen before

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First off, I'm going to talk about the new spring 2010 anime first. Of course, I'm not repeating titles that has already been mentioned before.

Kiss x Sis (キス✕シス)
Based on a manga and has a DVD that comes with one of its volumes.
As I found out, there are 4 planned OVAs, with the 4th coming out soon. Based on what I saw, from those and the pre-broadcast episode, it's kind of... well, not what I'm looking out for.

Kaicho wa Maid-sama (会長はメイド球)
I don't know what to say as I know very little about it.
It takes place in a recently-turned co-ed school, so there are still dominantly males there. She's the school's student council president who has to deal with guys that bully the minority girls. A friend asked the protagonist to help out at a maid cafe and cover her expenses. As she's helping out there, she was spotted by... okay, my interest has already wandered at this point, actually from the point I saw "Maid" in the title.

B-gata H-kei (B型H系)
I find it odd that they name the protagonist Yamada (山田) with no given name. It's like she has no name and has to be called something for the sake of it. From the opening scene to the opening theme, it's quite obvious that it is about doing what her body wants her to do and doesn't appear to know what she's doing. The pace is so fast that it starts off from the first day to the beach/themepark cliche I mentioned earlier.

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (鋼の錬金術師 FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST)
Well, I don't want to put a popular title here that I've watch for over a year, but my interest wandered away. I don't know how I can't follow this, but could follow Code Geass. It's one of the few anime that is only known around the world mixed with ones for younger audience among the casual viewers, which tells me how little they know about other, better anime, and maybe how stereotyped it is. Oh, and each time I want to watch it, I would be looking at the last few minutes or missed it completely as I'm usually out an about on Sunday evenings. Dropped it at around episode 45-50 as I don't want to continue to watch something I'm not interested in.

Sora no Woto (ソ・ラ・ノ・ヲ・ト)
Sorry, but I don't see any real plot here as the episodes are forgettable. I could only remember the ending theme (Girls be Ambitious by Tomatsu Haruka), the Spanish(?)-like atmosphere, the details they had paid close attention to, and how close the characters resemble those from K-On very much.

Titles mentioned here are not likely to be picked up by me, or are already dropped if it's a non-Spring 2010 anime.

01 April 2010


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4月1日には、世界中で新聞が嘘の内容の記事を掲載したり、TVニュースでジョークニュースを報道したりといった事が広く行われている。インターネットが普及してからは、実用性のない冗談RFCが公開されたり、ウェブサイトではジョークコンテンツを公開するといったことも行われる。 ジョークの規模についても、簡易なものから大きな労力をつぎ込んだものまで存在し、ウェブサイトにおいては個人発から大手企業発まである。逆に習慣を逆手にとって、ありえない内容に見えて事実の内容であったり、翌日以降に「嘘ではない」「本当に実施する」といった裏の裏をかいた記事が書かれることもある。これらのネタは、一種のファンサービスの行為にもなり、一種のお祭りとみなすことも出来る。時に、閲覧者から嘘の情報の内容についての問い合わせが来ることもある(BBCの「ビッグ・ベンのデジタル化」など)。



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中野区, 東京都, Japan
帰国子女 英語能力は堪能。趣味はアニメや漫画やプログラムコードを編集。通常、あたしの小説を英語で書いてです。Grew up abroad &travelled to different countries. I write my own fictional novel on my blog.