Haruka's Diary
Chasing After Rainbows: December 2009

31 December 2009

459th post: Unfinished tasks

No comments:

It's New Year's eve. There's simply too many things to do. The review of 2009 anime I mentioned about in the previous post (or was it a tweet?) is incomplete and it has not progressed between the time I started writing this post (31 Dec) and since I started on Sunday (27 Dec). I don't have the "must complete this by the midnight of New Year's day" urgency, but I don't want it to be done as late as February either. I know it's late, but I'm very busy with more important things (like work) at the moment. So busy that I can't even go online (My tweets come from mobile phone, as tagged by "from txt" on them), which is why you have seen me drop a lot of anime or did not pick up.

I've seen the trailers for the Winter 2010 anime. Although not much, it's enough to immediately spot anime that I would like. One of them is Durarara (top image), replacing Darker than Black: Comet of Gemini's timeslot. (The scene where a guy stomps on a mobile phone in front of girls is WTH? There's even a short display of a cardboard Holo from Spice and Wolf)

Speaking of trailers, all the anime produced by SHAFT (including Negima!? and Bakemonogatari) have this thing in common that, over time, I find annoying. Which means that I'm not likely to pick an anime from them in the future or has the OP/ED song done by a particular band. I've nothing against these two, just my personal preference.

Don't be surprised if I post the Winter lineup as late as March! LOL. (^O^)/

25 December 2009

458th post: Stuff too long to Tweet

No comments:
There's been a lot of things happening to me these days that's hard for me to manage without sacrificing one for an another. Yes, what I mentioned back in April still applies now.

Anime Lists
I'm aware that some 12-episode Autumn 2009 like 乃木坂春香の秘密 ぴゅあれっつぁ♪ (Haruka Nogizaka's Secret: Pleasure), 空中ブランコ (Sky Jump), and DARKER THAN BLACK -流星の双子 (Darker than Black: Gemini of the Meteor) has ended recently. Due to my lack of time mentioned earlier, I've completely committed anime whose storyline goes around nowhere or awfully slow. I would like to write a review of the 2009 anime (including 24-episode Autumn 2008 anime) quite soon. Hate to say this, but I've only watched a small fraction to know what the anime is about and even fewer that I didn't drop mid-way. There are odd cases where I like an anime I dropped earlier (Spring 2006 broadcast of Haruhi) and dropped more than once and/or after the entire series/season has ended (Setokai no Ichizon, White Album, Hayate no Gotoku). Looking at the Winter 2010, only Baka to Test to Shōkanjū, Sora no Woto, and Nodame Cantabile: Finale seemed to have attracted my attention. It's ironic that for Nodame, I've dropped the second season, but watched the live-action version that had the same storyline.

Free time
On top of the cold I'm having now (strangely,on my off days too since middle school), I never had a proper holiday since December 2005. Everything surrounding me is full of misery. Missing things by just a short moment and waiting a long time for the next, people being angry at me for something that doesn't go to their narrow-minded ways or wasn't even my fault to begin with and assume otherwise. To those who didn't know, my reaction time is slow, and I can't seem to apply what I know in actual use. One of them being my writing skills and communication skills are completely different: I can't seem to use difficult words when talking to people, but I could in writing. Sadly, since I can't think while under pressure, I also don't perform well in exams, but quite good during practice. I've not checked if it's true, but it feels that my intelligence level drops each time I fall ill or had my head banged against something hard enough to feel pain.

There are so many things I want, and so many unwanted stuff I have lying around. The problem is that I'm undecided on throwing out stuff I don't use now (apart from the obvious trash). The urgency of doing this is that I'm lacking space and I mysteriously feel better outside the house, but sick again upon entering back, when I have a cold. There are mysterious bugs on the programs that I use that isn't suppose to happen, but it did. I've noticed that my early backup discs are having problems reading stuff, so I need to buy hard disks. The problem is how much do I need? A rough calculation says that if I were to use a 2.5TB drive, I would have about 10% of free space left. 2010 also means that, in the legal eyes, I would officially become an adult too, which is both a good and sad thing.

I would like to type more, but I don't have time now, so I should end here. It appears that I took almost 2 hours just to type all of this.

Disoriented Feelings Special: Izumi's Essay

No comments:

名前(漢字): 宮沢泉美
名前(ひらがな): みやざわ いづみ
表記(日本語): 私の冬休み

My older sister has been unusually happy in recent days with that guy I saw at her birthday party. She's 16 and I'm only 10, but my youngest sister is only 4. A 12 year gap between the youngest and the oldest. I'm in between my two brothers by 2 years.

When at home after school, I would play around with Kuniko and my brothers with toys shouting and screaming around. If they were to bully me and mom and dad are not around, Kotomi-oneechan would protect me from them because she is big and is like my third parent. Her room seems to be locked most of the time and she does not want to play with us. It's the only room in the entire house we don't get to play in.

It cold outside, so everyone doesn't feel like heading out. I like to go into the kotatsu while watching TV and eating some snacks at the same time with my younger brother. My older brother is preparing for middle school, so I should not disturb him.

Kousei: "Izumi onee-chan, I want to go somewhere during the holidays."

Me: "We should ask mom first. Kotomi-oneechan and Shin'ichi-oniichan are busy, so they won't be coming along."

I can understand my older brother not coming along, but not my older sister: even though she has no school activities or is not helping uncle out, she seemed reluctant to come along with us lately. She's still playing around with that new notebook PC and mobile phone she bought two months ago. It also seem that Jun'ichi-oniichan rushing to hide something when I approach him lately.

Kousei: "That's too bad. I wanted everyone to come along..."

We asked dad. He suggested the amusement park. Besides my older siblings, everyone would be going.

On the day itself, everyone gathered outside before heading to the train station. Mom brought Kuniko along since she's still too young to take care of herself.

Mom: "Kotomi-chan! Shin'ichi-kun! We're leaving now!"

There was no response from inside the house.

Dad: "Call us if you need anything!"

Still no response. Without waiting, we departed. I thought I heard Kotomi-oneechan shouting "Peace at last!" when we are some distance away.

Mom: "They were like you two when they were your age, but now, they have their own things to do. Things you might not understand until you are their age."

I never understood what mom meant at that time and it appears to be that there are more things she didn't say, with a sense of guilt in her tone.

The area around the station has many shops and offices around it. Dad bought tickets for the train. I mean, these cards are like magic: you would just wave them at an area at the gate and they would open by themselves. Though it seemed high and barely reached it, I want to do that again. Kousei actually almost did it by going around right after entering.

Dad: "Hey! The trains are that way! Come back here!"

The gates had a red cross instead of a green arrow we saw on the opposite side, though I did see gates with green arrows far away from us. Kousei probably did not notice or know that from the excitement he just had. My younger brother's action alone caused anger and confusion to the adults entering. Our parents apologised to the crowd for the inconvience he caused.

Many different kinds of people boarded the train. From children like us to an office worker to people in weird clothings. We saw many interesting things and places along the way.

I would like to talk about the amusement park itself but it seems that I had written a lot for this essay. Let's just say it was fun.

[Author's note: Izumi Miyazaya is the protagonist's oldest younger sister. What was not mentioned by anyone is that the age gap between Kotomi and her parents is less than 20 years, which explains Kotomi's confusion about her parents being so young compared to her peers and her birthday being earlier than the day her parents were married. This "essay" was dated 6 years prior to the current timeline at the time of writing. Oh, and Merry Christmas. I didn't really plan anything Christmas or New Year themed.]

19 December 2009

Disorientated Feelings (Part 24)

No comments:
I have been working at the current workplace long enough to know their names, their habits, and the things they do at work that they wouldn't want others to know, especially the boss.

I wasn't expecting something unpredictable to happen when I asked Itsuki and Saeko to help clear the things in my late cousin's bedroom I'm currently staying at when i started to work: not only did those two remote the unwanted stuff quickly, they even designed the entire house (except the rooms Nanami and my great-grandmother sleep in) to look as though a professional interior designer had done it. Also, Nanami and Saeko told me individually that they had met each other when my cousin came home early when the cleaning up was going no. Saeko admitted that she was the upperclassman at the computer club room as the club's president when Nanami went there to meet up with a club member, who is in the same year as Saeko, last year. Nanami saw through her change of uniform and hairstyle, adding to the fact that she had also saw Itsuki almost every Saturday. Nanami knew that there was something awfully familiar when they met each other at her family's funeral.

Sigh... Since Nanami is my cousin, and the other two are my boyfriends, I guess I would have to explain about those two. It's complicated and a long story to explain, but let's just say that Saeko is a female clone of Itsuki, of whom is my boyfriend. The problem is that my boyfriend's soul is stuck in the female clone's body, and the current Itsuki is someone else. I love the former, but she's now the same gender as me and have to in out with the latter if I were to tell people that I'm in a relationship with someone and, if i want to, to have our offspring to replace us when we die. The same as to what me and my siblings are to my parents. It's a sad fact of life. They would have to come out of me like how i came out of my mother.

I seriously don't know why I'm attracted to my boyfriend. He didn't do anything special to stand out from all the other guys. He didn't do well in school. He's not rich. He didn't even care about who i was until i crashed into him by mistake. But why do i like him to the point i made the first move? Seriously, what am i doing? Why can't i live without them? I thought there was something wrong with me, but my uncle (Kenjiro) told me some time ago that it's normal to have that for girls. You mean it's normal for me to be emotional and crazy when someone i love is gone? I don't like the sound of that. Then again, I'm too intelligent that i don't even know what my own body wants anymore. It's like the difficulty of communicating with children, even though i was a child myself.

On my 22nd birthday, Itsuki proposed to me and get married, which i wasn't expecting. We have already known each other for 7 years, and we are closer to each other than our parents. My siblings? I only see them as the other children my parents gave birth to as a result of my uncle's experiments. Well, that's what I heard, and nobody specific was mentioned. Speaking of my uncle's experiments, he has started it not long before i was born. He would pick volunteers or people he thought shouldn't be in prison as tests subjects. Since all experiments are top secret, the only experiments I knew of were the ones i was involved in and the declassified ones, including a device Itsuki was working on in may 2005. Nobody was killed or injured so far though, but enough for the rest of their lives to change significantly. Saeko was an odd case: she was a "let anyone who uses the machine" as a permanent test subject and "have them as a subject to further tests without they themselves knowing until it has happened". Wait, that largely explains the constant horrors she went through. She's scared because she doesn't know what and when it would happen and it would usually be against her will. She does receive a large sum of money for being the (unwilling) test subject on top of being an employee of the company that did all that to her. Saeko herself knows that she is now owned by the institute and that people are watching her thoughts all the time. I am somewhat guilty on that part for inventing it, but i didn't know my boyfriend's soul is in the clone instead of the original back then. I wonder what the current Itsuki did to her when I'm not around.

Saeko is taking care of the expenses from the house to how grand the wedding ceremony is. If you ask me, I don't mind a discreet simple wedding. I could sense the sadness behind Saeko's happy face: she's supposed to be 22, the same age as me, but her age is stuck at 16. It wasn't easy to find a place to call our new home with Itsuki, me, Saeko (out of my request), and my future children. Sure using Saeko's wealth to pay for our house means that i could pick a large house in an expensive residential area, but i want my future kids to be happy, interact with others, and not be spoilt.

We've finally found the place: it's a western-styled house (one i grew up in is traditional) that's quiet and peaceful. The train station and the shopping district is not too far away. The bus frequencies in the area are quite good too. To tell you the truth, I've never been here prior to viewing the house.

On the weeks prior to my wedding with Itsuki, i decided to have a rendezvous with Saeko without letting Itsuki know. As long he's not looking at the machine i sent years ago, he won't know what happened between us.

Before I could say anything, Saeko dropped into tears.

Saeko: "Remember the time we first met in 2004?"

Me: "Yes, I went for you instead of the guys who were crazy over me. I knew i saw something about you, but look at yourself: why did you become a girl and made a clone of yourself on top of that? Well, i knew it was accidental, but my heart refuses to take that as a reason. In fact, I can't see a pretty girl like you to be my boyfriend even though I knew who you were."

Saeko: "I am sad myself too. I was the target of several fatal attacks and I was forced to put on this irremovable competition swimsuit that somehow makes me immortal. I didn't ask for that, but I really want to marry you! I don't like whoever is occupying my former body, because he treats me badly. He even made me do things I didn't want to do with a look on my face that says that I enjoyed it even though I'm not! I don't know what to do with my life now! I should have died ages ago when those thugs strike a knife deep into me, but i mysteriously survived it without a scratch even though i thought i saw blood and felt pain when they stabbed me. What am i now? A test subject that can't die but can't do what it wants unless it's allowed or if there's nothing specified? I really wanted to be with you, but not like this... Uwaaa....."

Saeko has went through horrors far worse than what i had went through. There are so many things she can't do even if she wanted to. To tell you the truth, i don't know what to do to help her. I wanted to say that it's all her fault that all of this happened that caused the nightmare i went through, with me almost blinded and killed, but from what others and Saeko herself said, it was a work-related experiment that went wrong along with the cruelty of others.

Part 23 | Part 25

13 December 2009

Alternate Dimension (Part 39)

No comments:
At the end of the day though, I seemed to be one of the first few to leave as no matter how late it ended. The club president and my seniors who are in the same year as him, seem to have some kind of meeting right after I left. I tried to listen what they were discussing about, but they would somehow know that I'm trying to listen in no matter how discreet and well hidden I am that they would refuse to start unless I am very far away from them. They even know my various means to try to watch their meeting. Their excuse while chasing me away? "Hisakawa-san has fans that follows her around. Those people following her intrude on the club's peace and privacy if she were to be around!" I don't mind them going away, but why me instead? Either way, my seniors seem to have a liking of me and made me the "guaranteed" club president from my second year onwards. What was their criteria for picking me over everyone else? This however, was only known among my seniors and me until the time I would take over the current. Since then, they would quietly add senpai after saying my name. Did they find out that I'm actually a year older than them (instead of two years younger), or are they praising me?

Back to present, I'm still in contact with my parents, but when it comes to Itsuki... Well, I don't know what to say to him on the phone: my parents had quietly gave the phone to him without warning.

Itsuki: "So... um... hi?"

I hate to hear my former voice as though it's someone else's, but I would have to live with it for a long time.

Me: "Have you heard anything new from Kotomi?"

Itsuki: "Oh, her first college semester has just started. You know, that Stand**** University in California. The campus is so huge that she has trouble getting around without looking at the map or asking someone for directions. She added that she has gotten along with her friends well too."

There was an abrupt silence. I'm supposed to say something to fill it in, but instead, I sobbed: I could have entered university for about half a year by now, but nooo! They made me repeat high school for the rest of my life regardless of how well I did. This is just because of that teleporting machine at Mihara Academy in the summer of 2005 that went wrong and the later
events resulting of it.

Itsuki: "Um, she did say that she still likes me the most among the people she has met and would be in 2010, about 3 years from now. Saeko?"

Me: "Why don't you care about what I feel? Every time you show up in my car right in front of my friends, you..."

I deliberately hung up the phone at that point. I hate you. I don't want to see or speak to you either.


I was having a peaceful sleep when I noticed that I was being poked all over. It felt real, and it didn't match the dream I had at all. What made me wake up was that I was mysteriously forced to blush very excessively to the point of being unbearable.

When I opened my eyes, I saw the words of my previous thoughts staring right in front of me as was leaning forwards against something. Even though I could still move, I can't get away from that spot or even lean back. I feared the worse: being on the machine that allows someone else to modify my memories or even how I behave. What's even worse is that I can't get away from it once I'm plugged in. How did I get on it anyway? Surely I can't have sleepwalked to here. Oh? There's someone else in here!

???: "Ah, I see that you are awake now. I was wondering what happened to you when you called yesterday."

That voice from behind sounds familiar. Where have I...it's Itsuki! What is he doing here? How did he get in? Wasn't I the only one who could enter here? Wait! He can see what I am thinking right now!

Itsuki: "If you recall, you were a part of me and the only differences between us is our DNA strand that says what gender we are. I could get in here easily as the thumbprint and eye scanner thinks that I am you. As to what I'm doing here, I'm here just to collect infomation that
you have gathered for the past few years and doing other adjustments. You have been rebelling against me and the identical memories we share in common that are in you seem to be the root cause of it. Those angry notes you wrote to me the other day makes me want to do it more."

Like a pervert, he moved closer towards me with that creepy looking eyes. W-wait! What do you want from me? Aren't we like twins? Why would you want to attack your other half?

Me: "Information that I have gathered? Hold on! What are you... Gyaa!!!"

Itsuki: "I'm going to make you do what I want with no resistance. Ha ha ha!"

I'm afraid that this means I won't be myself: he might replace my current memories and put a fake one in it's place and not know that. Why on the morning of my birthday of all days?


The morning sun entered my eyes as I woke up from bed. Odd, I still know what Itsuki did to me a few hours ago, and I can still control myself. I thought he had tempered my memories to the point that I don't even know that it even happened. The machine I was on is missing now, which probably means he has taken it away.

(Author's note: Unknown to Itsuki, modification to Saeko's will is not allowed. Instead, it only modifies what she would behave and do in certain situations. On the outside, it would seem that she has been brainwashed, but if you were to read her mind, it would say the torture of doing what her body is forced to do, and might even be cursing the person who did it.)

Anyway, today is Saturday, September 29. Our 18th birthday. The birth certificate the director gave to me (for legal reasons) back in April, however, says that I was born on on the day I was cloned, with the year being 1992 instead of 1989 (original birth year) or 2005 (year cloned), making me 16. I was puzzled as to why people treated me like a VIP on that day.

After school, I stood against the school fence outside, as though waiting for someone. Why am I standing here? I can't get myself to continue walking. I saw Itsuki standing at a corner. What is he doing here?

Me: "Onii---chan!"

What am I doing?!! I feel like an idiot saying that, but those words automatically came out of my mouth as soon as I saw him. I ran towards him, jumped as I get closer, and grabbed a hold of him around the shoulder with my legs around his hips, all that while smiling happily. I would like him to get away from me as people are watching, but it's my body that's pressing against him and holding him tightly. Argh!!! This is mental torture! It's even worse than not being able to express my anger. Itskuki, why do you make me do this with a forced happy expression and voice? Is it for your own pleasure, seeing a part of you in a cute girl's body being happy towards you no matter what? Answer me!!!

Itsuki: "Saeko-chan! There you are! Umph!"

It seems that he did not notice my mind crying for help, or maybe he's pretending.

Itsuki: "Hey, you're no longer a kid and you have grown so big."

I know that! You don't need to tell me this!

Me: "I don't care big I have grown. I just want to hug my cool
onii-chan as much as I want."

No I don't, and I wasn't that cool-looking.

Itsuki: "Well, as long as you are happy, I don't mind. Let's take the train to downtown. It's my birthday today. Would you like to come along?"

I don't want to go with you. I just want to get as far away from you.

Me: "Your birthday? Sure, sure, I'll come with you."

Can't believe that I said that instead...

Chapter 9

04 December 2009

Alternate Dimension (Part 38)

No comments:
Person A: "We have only heard of your name as our founder and that you are at the Hatsuya Institute most of the time. That's all we know of you. No one here, including our employer and direct superiors, has seen you before. That particular design of your pass is only carried by important people in the company."

Is he serious?

Me: "How do you even know if I am the person you think I am? There aren't any photos of me in your company history, and you guys have never seen me before."

Person A: "Around the first time I saw you coming here, I saw lights and a silhouette of you against the window of the landlord's office facing the outside. That room is usually dark, and access to that room is only allowed with a thumbprint that nobody here has. On top of that, the pass is impossible to counterfeit despite how simple the pass looks. Yours is the real deal with a picture of you in it."

I should have turned off the lights. Then again, I don't know who walks past the outside or if there were attempts to enter my room.

Person A: "Excuse me, I have to go now."

Me: "Sure. If someone asks who I am and what I'm doing here, just say that I'm just a student of a nearby school visiting her divorced father who works here..."

This is obviously a lie.

Me: "... instead of what you found out who I am. If they said something about stopping me from coming again, show them this note from me as the founder. Don't say that the so-called schoolgirl visiting the father and the founder of the company are the same person, at least, not until I reveal it myself. I want to remain low-profile here. You can go now."

Person A: "Thank you Ms. Hisakawa. Please excuse me."

I took a closer look at my pass: I knew there was something different about my work pass, but me? Founded this company? I kind of know why I didn't show my face: my appearance, school and work. Nobody mentioned about it to me before as they don't know about it. The company seem to be able to run by itself without me, but since (they said that) I am the founder, I receive a large share of the money they make. I did not ask for it... Must be related to something i had been wishing for, but not really hope it would happen.

I should keep wearing that coat to prevent something like that from happening again. Just in case.


Here's what a typical day in the club is like before I would become the club president:

I am very prone to be asked by someone at anytime. Be it about helping their homework or something, meeting the teacher in the staff room, guys asking me out, and so on. Basically, the only time in school where I could hide without people calling me for something is at secluded areas or places where guys aren't allowed in. That reminds me: unlike my school in 2004, the rooftop is relatively easy to get to, so it's normal for the place to be crowded during lunch. There's a garden there too.

The clubroom is in a seperate building linked only by a covered bridge on the second floor and doors on the level directly below the bridge. I usually avoid going by the ground floor as it's sheltered only by the bridge.

Right next to the computer clubroom is the art club. From what I can see, they had done a lot of beautiful paintings. Sadly, it doesn't seem that there are not enough younger members to make up for the third years who are leaving next year, that is, if they don't recruit enough members within the first few weeks. The people standing outside my clubroom are my die-hard fans. Seriously, what's so great about me? You should have seen the crowd when I just joined: it was even crazier with the place looking as though a celebrity inside is having an autograph session.

Most of the time, there would be someone inside to greet me upon my arrival. Except for the folding tables and the long table at the front, all of the desks has a desktop computer on them. All of the computers have multiple operating systems installed. To encourage supporting various
platforms, the common OSes and programs are not of the default option. It wasn't my idea to implement this, but i would have done the same if I was in charge.

Of course, not everyday is about doing tasks. We do occasionally hang out together downtown and if they want to, conduct study groups. Since the latter is open to everyone, the place is mysteriously more crowded when I'm in it as compared to when I'm not (according to my club mates) or during the so-called "emergency members-only meeting". Since I'm the smartest, they are the ones who ask me for help.

Chapter 8 / 9

01 December 2009

453rd post: Things to do

No comments:
Time seem to fly by rather quickly for me lately. 2006 seemed not too long ago, "Clannad: After" seemed recent, "K-On! ep1" seemed like yesterday. I still can recall what I did in primary school and what places looked like back then. I mean, looking back, time seem to pass by very quickly. I thought we are still in November 2008.

Well, the lack of significant events and doing things that pass time does make it seem fast. Last night, I had the intent to head to bed at 11pm, but did not actually do so until 3am, a full 4 hours later. I did take a nap of some hours earlier though.

I'm doing so many things, I'm loosing track of what I'm doing. I may revert back to the previous version for the anime watchlist (without episode titles) since finding the titles itself is time consuming. My room is noticeably messy, no appetite to eat...

Speaking of not doing much, I did do some vectoring, but they aren't complete.

On the left (v0079) is something you might seen me put up before, but with more things added. The right (v0090) is something I'm in the middle of doing right now. In case you didn't know, there are 443 images currently in the waiting list, not counting images that I had already removed. I just don't feel like doing them, and switch my priority to writing my stories.

Speaking of stories, here's an updated and slightly redone timeline of and earlier version post.

As the story progressed, I found it unnecessary to have a 3rd dimension that is similar to the 2nd dimension. I'm having trouble thinking of what to write for the 4th story, have already forgotten what happened in the 1st story. 2nd and 3rd story could still continue on easily since I already have planned events and both are closely linked to each other. You might have noticed a 3-year gap between the latest parts of those two.

Anyways, I would like to type more, but it's now time for me to sleep. I don't know why I need 9 hours of uninterupted sleep. Most people usually need only 6-7hours.

My profile

My photo
中野区, 東京都, Japan
帰国子女 英語能力は堪能。趣味はアニメや漫画やプログラムコードを編集。通常、あたしの小説を英語で書いてです。Grew up abroad &travelled to different countries. I write my own fictional novel on my blog.