Haruka's Diary
Chasing After Rainbows: November 2012

30 November 2012

Disorientated Feelings (Part 52)

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For the summer school break of my children, we took the time off from work to bring my family on  a vacation to Kyoto. I don't think the opportunity to do this would happen again before my children gets older. I've been there before as part of the school trip and business meetings, but having a schedule to stick to is not exactly enjoyable with pressure of keeping track of time. Excluding my time in university at California, I never travelled much. I don't know why the thought of travelling never occurred to me before.

I'm the head of the family because I did all the documents, fed everyone, and practically almost everything that has anything to do with the family. It's not the first time doing something like this as I also had to take care of my younger siblings (I was the eldest child). To tell you the truth, I don't want to take care of other people: I would prefer to be taken care of than to take care of others. What is my husband doing? He's an idiot and relies on me like he's one of my children. I married him only because I was forced to look at him frequently just to keep myself sane, but I feel lonely inside.

Starting with my parents, everyone that descended from them, including me, are products of a lab experiment. I never felt that I was being watched, but I did felt that something was wrong with my body even though, medically, there was nothing wrong with it. Me and my siblings were part of a sex-change experiment, Itsuki and Saeko are part of some unknown madness that goes on inside what appears to be a prestigious academy from the outside. Because Saeko's body is also immortal, she is also a "more realistic replacement for lab rats". My first two children was to see if I, who was originally born male as part of the experiment mentioned earlier, could reproduce children as a female and inherit the features I have. The next two... Other than them having my genes even though I didn't give birth to them, I don't want to talk about it.

Why do I look a bit foreign? I inherited it from my great grandfather on mom's side, who came from Russia during the war almost a century ago. It's a shame that I know nothing of him. His wife, my late great grandmother, couldn't remember him much because he died, for reasons unknown to me, long before my mother was born. Since my parents had me when they were young, who themselves were born to young parents, I have an aunt who is higher up in my family tree line, but is younger than me. Most people usually have ones that are a couple of decades older than them.

(Author's note: The name of the great grandmother in question is Ajisai Miyazawa (宮澤 紫陽花), who is primarily featured in An Unexpected Wish (4th story) from the viewpoint of Nanami Fujibayashi, Kotomi's aunt. However, the latest part of that story published is part 6 (published 13 March 2010), which covers the period when Kotomi just graduated from university and before getting married. I haven't figured out how and when Kotomi's great grandmother died, but certainly is already quite old as of S2P21/S4P6, and this current one is at least 8 years after that.)

People say the best time to travel is before I get married, have children, or get very old. Obviously I don't meet the first two now. My family was financially strained supporting me and five of my siblings. Before now, my mind was also filled with too much of being with Itsuki's body, even though I knew that the real Itsuki is now Saeko since less than a year after I met him.. I am forced to marry his former body to keep my sanity, and I had to do it quick before he marries someone else and make me look like a stalker. Sure I would like to have married someone else myself, but being forced to look at a particular person of the opposite gender without going insane or causing a problem is the main problem here. Believe me, I tried not look at Itsuki for a day and I could feel myself going senile. Looking at Saeko or my husband's "female form" seems to have the same effect as not looking at him at all. The extremity of this was put to the test when I studied at Standford University where I have to see an image of him at annoyingly frequent intervals. It's a nightmare trying to survive university without even thinking of him. I can't tell if this is the feeling of actual love, or a curse that forces me to always see him for the rest of my life. I don't know what will happen if Itsuki dies before me, or decides to permanently be in his "female form".

Getting time off work is not easy, but I guess because of my supervisory role, and the fact that I never took vacation for a long time, that I was given this time to spend with my children. Having someone in the family who works with the same company as me is an awkward thing to deal with. The line between separating family from work is blurred, and even more so when my own existence is the result of a relative's work-related experiment. It's like cloning, and I'm the clone, and I see the one who made me as a family member, but I was created because of work.

To get to Kyoto from our house is too far to comfortably travel by car, and things road tolls, traffic jams, rest stops, and refueling along the way, just easily adds up to the time and costs of getting there. No one wants to sit in the car for too long, even if you are not driving it. Obviously, using Saeko's car is out of the question. It's auto-drive function works only when Saeko in that car, and even with that, there's no difference in the duration of the traveling. Ceiling of the car is too low to be able to stand up to stretch, and, especially with other people in the car, can't stretch sideways. The only practical and quickest way is to take the train towards Tokyo, and then the Tokaido (東海道) Shinkansen from there. No reservation is required, but the fastest train service is made up of mostly reserved seats and a few non-reserved ones. On top of that, this line is the most crowded line among all the other Shinkansen lines in the country. Good news is that the same non-reserved ticket can be used on the slower trains that has no ticket turnstile separating the two, which is just as fast, but with more stops. You can feel the train tilting left and right when a train on the neighbouring track just whizzing by at high speed while stopped at a station.

Kyoto station building is quite huge in size, probably the largest in size. Just outside of it is the Kyoto Tower. For an ancient capital, this whole area looks very out of place with a lot of buildings that are quite recent with nothing but super modern structures visible. However, our hotel is elsewhere and have to travel further, and we aren't exactly in the mood to explore the area after all those long hours traveling. However, we are feeling hungry, so perhaps we head out to eat after dumping our bags.

The hotel was a four star western hotel that Saeko had booked and paid for. She originally wanted to book a more posh 5 star hotel "because she has too much money", but I don't want my kids to be spoiled too much. Neither do we plan to most of our holiday at the hotel either. She booked three rooms: two for me and Itsuki, one for the kids, and one for herself. Saeko's room has extra beds and is connected with the room my children sleep at, but, for some reason, my room is on a different floor at the opposite end of the hotel.

Me: "Hey, Saeko. About the rooms..."

Saeko: "I don't trust Itsuki, and you are the only one who can control him. Also, your son scarily looks as if he's my sister with no thanks to my body's age permemently frozen for so long, and the Mizuho uniform he couldn't remove."

The Mizuho school uniform my son is wearing turned him into a teenage girl, even though he's actually a 7-year-old boy. In theory, my son would turn back to being a boy when he removes it and remembers what he did as an older female self. However, Mizuho seem to have somehow programmed these uniforms in a way that they physically can't be removed until a month after graduation from middle school, if he doesn't continue on to Mizuho's high school and university that is, which delays it even longer.

Me: "Yeah. I'll make sure he doesn't scare the children."

Saeko: "Oh, and don't take too long to prepare to go out again, or the children would loose the mood to go out. Especially with the long travel we just had."

Even though I'm the mother and the head of the family, it is Saeko who actually takes care of my children, even more than me or my husband, like they are her children. I love Saeko, but she is of the same gender as me, and is officially seen as object belonging to Hatsuya Research, backed up by the fact that a machine they made created her body. If it weren't for her being an existing employee when that happened, she wouldn't have receive the truckloads of she is receiving now as compensation for her life being changed forever. I receive some of that compensation money too because the person I was forced to like has a different body and I was still forced to like the former body, whose new owner makes my blood boil. This appeared as a mysterious pay rise until it was explained at a later date. Hatsuya said it was a permement curse and nothing could be done from stopping me from loving someone I now hate. The current Itsuki should have been fired from the company a long time ago, but he is too tightly linked to two of their important assets (me and Saeko) that they sent him to work at Mizuho, where he turns into a gentle female. However, since Hatsuya knows that I have to see my husband as a male to keep me sane, they relaxed the rules regarding how the uniform for Mizuho staff, which he belongs to, could be removed: removable as long you are not seen while changing outside their campus.. Previously, it was forever, and it made the rules for students and guests at that time seemed like a more relaxed option.

That evening, we ate at a fast food restaurant and shopped at the shopping street and department store there. I don't know why I was the least excited among my family.

21 November 2012

634th post: The joys of traveling alone

1 comment:
If you know what you are doing, planning well and all that, travelling alone can be quite fun over travelling with a tour group or even with just one other person.

Yes. I do have experience with that.

Well, sure the planning can be a pain, but you can plan it to your schedule without the need to
 also suit other people's schedule. Sometimes, they can't even confirm anything until closer to the day, which is bad if the flight or accomodation has yet to be book as cheap and convenient options would be unavailable to you as they are likely to be fully booked or exceeded the latest eligible date.

If you have ever looked at a booking system for the best routes/time/cost, you would notice that even booking a flight of the same route on a date can cost a lot different than the dates surrounding it. This is why flights should be decided before deciding on the exact dates. Also take note of the time of departure and arrival: depending on the airport, you could save some hotel money by just sleeping at the airport for less than a full night's stay. However, some people would not want to do this.

Other points:
  • No argument over where to eat/go
  • Not worry about someone being at the hotel room if not together
  • Not going to where you want just because the other doesn't want to

However, there are negatives with travelling alone:
  • No one but unfamiliar people to talk to (not necessarily a bad thing)
  • Have help by someone you know is troublesome

07 November 2012

Alternate Dimension (Part 88)

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It has only been a day after it happened, but it has become clear that every single human in the world now looks like an attractive high or upper middle-class Japanese teenage girl (or slightly older than that) who could only speak Japanese or (not so good) English regardless of their original ethnicity, age or gender. They have also developed a taste of good design, durability, and convenience that anything considered horribly designed is redone. Quite a large number of things in developing countries do fall into that label.

To be honest, everyone is forced to behave in a feminine way, even if they weren't before. Existing girls who weren't feminine aren't spared from this either. People voiced how much they hated it or being forced to only be able to wear knee-length skirts that some might find too short (they are longer than Mizuho skirts though). As much as I hate wearing skirt (you see me wearing them all the time only because I'm forced to), the skirt hides what I find to be the "ugly areas". Why I say that? I don't like to see the shape I see when a woman wears shorts or jeans, and you can clearly see a shape that is possible only for females: larger hips and buttocks, and so on. I think the skirt of a certain maximum length was chosen over those because the other kinds of clothing are probably seen as male clothing that has been modified to fit for the female body, and long skirts are seen as "too old-fashioned". I have to admit that, since I became a girl, anything I sat on suddenly felt softer even though the hardness of what I sat on never changed. Also, I'm quite used to having my skirt to not fully cover the part of my legs resting on the chair.

I hate to say this, but my breasts feels like two penises mounted on my chest instead of the crouch, but shaped like spheres instead of cylinders, that expends when I think of certain things relating to the opposite gender, but even that, I did not feel the desire to stick my breast into anything, though they can expand to the point my clothes get uncomfortably tight. I hate it when that happens, but it's a part of my body that can't be removed, though unnoticeable to others if they weren't observing as regular breast sizes can vary from person to person. As a girl myself, I know why girls do not like this part to be touched: it's the most sensitive part of her body, but sadly also has the most eye-catching part of her body and possibly trigger her body's desire of wanting sex. It feels awkward having nothing between my legs, but having nothing there to have an erection while aroused means that I don't feel any desire to have sex at all, which translate to having better concentration. I was hoping to turn back into a boy during my first few years as a girl, but it seems clear now that it won't happen as I had already lived as a girl for longer than as a boy, and all the males has now been turned into girls.

Famous people, scientists, politicians, doctors, police, army, firemen, construction workers, sports athletes, and other things where you usually expect men or tough people, weren't spared from this too. Some were transformed beyond recognition, most noticeably tough men who have dark skin with bald hair. (Nothing against them, but them turning into girly Asian girls is indeed a big difference.) The problem is that there isn't anyone or anything to point the blame to, let alone find a solution. As time went on, the complaints have reduced: either they had adapted to it, sub-consciously or not, or have been transformed. Since the whole phenomenon started, anyone who has transformed from reaching above a certain biological age for the first time or were previously male would have a feminine personality as part of their new selves as a young lady

Scientists could not find what is causing this to happen. What they can be certain that the body of someone who has been transformed has features that seem as if they have always been that way and no traces linking to their former selves. Example, they had gathered some information they know is of an old man (for an unrelated experiment), but when he transformed (it happened in front of them), his body is of a 16-year old girl with no trace of having being an old man. Although he could recognize people, his memories are more like what a typical 16 year old girl (at the time it happened) would know. He now has two ages: number of years since he was born and his biological age. This indirectly proves that old people can't die of old age as they can't get old to begin with, though people can still die through other means. This proves that it's just scientifically impossible to turn the transformed people back to who they were as there is no trace or have insufficient data to do so.

As much as people hated it, there is neither anyone or anything to point the blame to. Neither is there a solution to reverse this. The female to male prototype that Hatsuya had developed (was used to change Kotomi's 2nd youngest sibling, Kousei) doesn't work well as he behave and thought like a girl: the scientists knows how men are supposed to behave. Even if successful, the subject reverted back to female within an hour, but long enough to produce sperm to impregnate a woman. This seems to be the only way now to produce new babies, but with the "test tube baby" method that already existed for decades, it's also possible to make oneself pregnant without a partner, with sperm that came from themselves (while temporarily a male) or someone else. Babies being born instantly turned into a normal teenage girl the instant the baby is completely outside the mother's body, even though the baby may have been developed as a boy or had birth defects during pregnancy, premature birth. This means they inherit the gene that turns people into young women from their parents, or the phenomenon is still ongoing. Either way, nothing could be stopped from having the newly born baby to be turned into an adolescent female instantly, or them having children of their own despite being just born themselves. There is no biological evidence to suggest that they are even supposed to be babies except when witnessing the child's birth.

This recently born girl's body is already fully clothed and are already capable of being able to become pregnant immediately. Apart from the umbilical cord that is likely to be still attached to her mother, this person is no different from someone who has just been transformed through other reasons. I don't think there is a specific date or age, but the gap between the youngest that anyone could be transformed into, and the age where you would transformed again (delayed if developing a child), is certainly less than 25 years. In other words, you could never grow old, but forever stuck at that stage in life with a female body means that your body is practically forever capable of producing a child and, if not made pregnant within a month, you would feel extreme pain inside with blood leaking out between your legs. No girl wants to pregnant all the time, but neither do they like the pain and blood they experience every single month she is not pregnant. I know how painful and scary it is because I am a girl myself. Well, it's only day one of the human population being feminine female completely, and probably too early to tell if something else has happened, though no other changes are visible.

Now everyone is suddenly rich enough to afford at least upper-middle income housing. Add that to wanting top quality design, many (those who were previously poor in particular) found themselves living in in an unacceptable housing and/or can't get to anywhere without a car or public transport is terrible. Suddenly, plans to improve or overhaul to match to a developed country and improve further have been announced. Businesses and houses affected by the redevelopment weren't an issue as even the owners found their property awful too and wants to get rid of it so they can get one that is a lot better. For the reformation of the public transport network, older buses and trains that would have otherwise been scraped have to be kept around longer to meet the demands of new routes and improved frequency, as the factories manufacturing them are overwhelmed by the surge of orders from many different bus companies. This is on top of existing orders and personal problems faced by the staff who themselves were affected by the change too.

In fact, it seems that nobody is spared from it like an invisible infectious disease. As much as I don't want to look at a woman's breast since it's so visually distracting once they are in sight, it's impossible not to see them because my own body has them too, so I always see them when I look at myself. Censorship regarding that area has never changed (at least not yet) even though everyone is now a woman, but what I don't get is why are woman's nipples censored, but not a man's nipple or the rest of a woman's breasts? I don't get it.

People who lived in countries where neither languages were used suddenly couldn't understand what was being said or written in their native language and found themselves being only being able to communicate in a language that are alien to them to friends (who may have also been changed beyond recognition). They are forced to change the languages of everything as nobody could know or learn any languages except Japanese or English, which are the only languages they could  understand or learn.

Because this change also affected even the most primitive people at remote places, all the different tribes, traditions, and languages, have effectively been wiped out
and made obsolete and extinct. An example of how drastic the change is: a primitive African tribe of mostly men who has little or no contact with the outside world who hunts animals and plants for a living, communicate themselves in their own language with no writing system that has clicking sounds as part of it, and lives in huts made of straws. Sadly, with this transformation, this means they now look like a group of young affluent Asian schoolgirls that could only speak to each other in Japanese or English (both they previously never even knew) who couldn't even hunt their own food and found just how "horrible" the conditions they live in are that they want to get out of there.

We are living in a completely different world now where every single person you see are well-off young women, but it's the initial transitioning stage where people want to get out of the old houses they were living in, but the demand to have houses everyone wants is quite high that existing development are overbooked. No woman wants to get dirty, and neither do they have the strength to carry things or to tighten/loosen bolts. These are what men could do easily, but the main problem is that the male gender no longer exists now and only the weak and unwilling females are left behind. Yes, everyone is self-aware of how weak their body is, or how easily scared they can be at anything.

So how are things like building houses to meet the demand works if there are no men to build it? The good news: ways have been found a way to build robots and machines specifically for this problem. Bad news? Demand for these are too large for the manufactures to keep up, and all the men who were constructing buildings before the phenomenon happened have been turned into girls that are now too scared with environment they have to work in, which slows down the construction pace by a lot. Because these girls are scared of getting injured, and the skirts they wear (which could neither be removed nor worn over) offering their legs little protection from injury, they clearly should have been fired now. But since there are no men or tough women left now, these people are actually considered the bravest women ever. I myself find that as a joke as I clearly see them scared at everything while working, but I guess being scared is more of a natural reaction to them that they could have mentally tried to ignore or else they wouldn't be considered brave if they had given up already. I guess being scared is part of having everyone seems to have their external emotions re-wired that forces everyone to behave girly and not actually mentally scared to begin with, but I'm afraid it could be an actual feeling to people who have been "transformed" since the male gender have been completely whipped out.

The concept of a family, and a girl being friends with an another girl has now been blurred further as everyone in the family is a young female and family reunions now look more like a class reunion of a girl's school. Anyone who has transformed from reaching a certain biological age remembers very little from before transformation except their possessions, recognizing people they were in good terms with as their former selves, and people they with at the time the transformation happened. Even with family members, they treat each other like close friends so much that they would feel very uneasy if they are seen as someone higher instead of as equals by someone they know well.

Just what is so great of turning everyone into women that are forever young? They may be the most beautiful and attractive humans, but living my own life as one is a nightmare: it's too easy to make myself aroused from just something as routine as changing my clothes. (Mizuho Academy actually trains you to be able to think and speak normally, and treat it as if it isn't happening.) Even moving myself around is more of a hassle than as a man from what I feel when moving, and even thinking too much over an otherwise simple thing. The biological age range everyone is in now also means that everyone has a high chance of getting pregnant, except that there are no men would could make that happen.

That is what I think as the biological ages of all women are at the optimal stage for that to possibly happen, all newborns instantly became teenagers who are already capable of producing children of their own too. It may sound like everyone, including newborns, can forever produce a child or two every year causing a population explosion, except that the reality is that people are killed in accidents and cancers with nobody to replace them. Spelling the decline of humanity, though being young again after a few decades means that they can't die of old age as they can't become old to begin with.

There is nothing is wrong with all the woman's reproductive system. The primary problem is that the men who could make them pregnant are completely absent now: all of them had been turned into women whose DNA now says they had always been born female and never male, which means that it can't be reversed. Scientists have, however developed a way to produce sperms out of skin cells, or human eggs, but it's expensive and uncomfortable, and on top of having a higher failure rate than if done naturally (which is impossible now), the babies born out of this are always female due to the lack of 'Y' chromosome that only the (now extinct) males have. As much as everyone doesn't want this to have happened, it was forced onto everyone by an unseen force without warning that can't be stopped. I don't like to see women, but that is what everyone (including myself) is now.

04 November 2012

632nd post: How to select files to open/upload files more quickly with a different program

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You may have faced this before: you open the file explorer in Windows to search for a file, or selecting a file to upload, only to repeat the process again with a smaller window, and that file can't be opened directly.

Well the quicker way around this are with these three methods:

Method 1: Open up the window that prompts you to select the file. Then switch to file window (use Alt+Tab to do it quickly), select the file to upload, and drag the file icon to that file selection window mentioned earlier. If that window is not visible (most likely because the window is maximized or overlapping), first drag it to the taskbar to the program you are opening/uploading with, then drag to the empty text field at the bottom with "File Name:" next to it. Select "OK" or hit Enter/Return key and you are done.

Method 2: Hold Shift while right-clicking on the file you want to copy. Select the "Copy as path" option somewhere in the middle in the menu that appears, and, if not already open, open up the open/upload file selector, press Ctrl+V at the "File Name:" text field. Hit enter.

Method 3 (Windows Vista or newer only): At the top of the file explorer, you would see something like "User ▶ (username) ▶ Documents". Click on the empty space next to it, select everything (Ctrl+A) and copy (Ctrl+C), and paste it at the similar location in the open/upload file interface. (If you had previously selected select a file there, you can skip this step.)  In the "File Name:" text field, type the first few characters of the file and the name you want should appear in the auto-suggest field below the input field)

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中野区, 東京都, Japan
帰国子女 英語能力は堪能。趣味はアニメや漫画やプログラムコードを編集。通常、あたしの小説を英語で書いてです。Grew up abroad &travelled to different countries. I write my own fictional novel on my blog.