Haruka's Diary
Chasing After Rainbows: December 2013

31 December 2013

Teary Promise (Part 19)

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We walked towards the local school together with Nishizawa and Saeko. Nishizawa revealed to me that Saeko is like a programmable robot that is immortal, but defenceless, with an actual person's soul inside.

Right now, Saeko has been put on the command to behave like a high class hotel receptionist serving important guests, which is so unnatural from Saeko's usual behaviour. I wonder if Saeko is cringing in her mind with this forced behaviour, or has she been brainwashed to behave as such? If it is the former, maybe I can make her say or do something that would make this obvious. The tricky part is with the presence of Nishizawa, who made her behave as such, and not being obvious that I wanted to check on Saeko.

Me: "How did the school turn out to be this bad? Surely the education ministry or the city mayor would have done something about it."

This town does not have a town hall, so all admin matters fall in the charge of the nearest city, which is where my high school is. However, the city council there does not monitor much of what happens outside the city they are directly in charge of, so things like education doesn't get monitored much.

Nishizawa: "Well, it started many years ago. You can say it is something like a continuous cycle of seniors teaching stuff to their juniors. To make matters worse, the teachers were graduates of that school, or for those from elsewhere, made them swear to not tell about it or they would find something that would dismiss them as a teacher. During some of the few official visits from the city hall, the bad things that the school is known for gets covered up and..."

Saeko: "I would appreciate it if someone were to stop stepping on my feet."

I had Nishizawa to look at me as we were talking and walking in a way that one of Nishizawa's feet would keep stepping on Saeko's feet, with she herself unaware of it because of the shoes they wear. I'm surprised Saeko did not yell in pain despite the way her feet was stepped on would have been painful, but it certainly seems that she could feel it.

As we were having our conversation, I couldn't help but to feel that my phone, which was in silent mode, kept vibrating. I think Saeko is trying to tell me something, but with Nishizawa talking to me practically non-stop, the opportunity to check what the message says without her raising the topic is non-existent.

Moments later, Saeko tripped over something and fell down. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but she seem to have tripped with the foot Nishizawa was stepping on earlier. What is even weirder are how her arms and legs are positioned as she lay on the ground: they are positioned the same way as if she was standing earlier.

Nishizawa: "What are you doing? Get up."

She turned Saeko around as she said this so that her face is not facing the ground.

Saeko: "My deepest apologies, but my body is restricted to be unable to do that without assistance."

Nishizawa: "Okay, you made your point. Here, you look silly."

Almost as if having ran a marathon, she got up and went gasping for air.

Saeko: "Don't ever do that again to me. It reminds me of what Itsuki did to me on my birthday."

She said that in an almost crying tone, even though the words she said was supposed to be in an angry tone. By the way, who is this Itsuki guy Saeko is talking about? I'm also guessing that the same thing happened on her birthday.

Nishizawa: "Are you angry? You sound like a crying child to me, and i lifted your behavior control. Oh yes, you can't get angry in that body as any anger gets expressed as sadness instead. I only controlled how you behaved, and no, I did not forget about unlocking all of your body's moods: your body just wasn't even designed for being able to express anger at all, which the designers seem to have either forgotten about, or just didn't want to see their own invention to get violent at them. It is because of this fundamental design feature (or depending on who you ask, a flaw), you are unable to fight someone without being scared, if you could fight at all. It seem very odd to make an immortal body like yours to also be scared and defenceless, but that itself can be useful for deception. Of course, you have to feel the actual pain incurred in order for you to express the appropriate action, including ones that results in death which your body would react as if you actually are, though you don't actually die and automatically revived when only a Hatsuya staff, someone you trust, or with nobody looking at you. If it weren't for the director saying that having your mind controlled may caused long term damage to you, I would have also tried to brainwash you to see how you would react in certain mindsets of various situations."

Saeko seemed as if insulted at that comment, but did not respond to it either which tells me that everything Nishizawa said was true. It must be suffering to be controlled by someone else and unable to escape.

...Hold on, did she say that Saeko was immortal? How did I not know of this before?

22 December 2013

687th post: Water and electricity wastage

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From time to time, I come across a situation where there is obvious wastage. No, these aren't like "this factory uses too much energy", but more of "hey, someone left this tap running for a long time" or people unnecessarily turning fans and air conditioning to its maximum, leaving the tap running as they brush their teeth, and so on.

I don't know if anyone knows, but phones these days uses more and more energy (and battery technology not keeping up with it) means charging more frequently, and indirectly, more energy being used.

Well, at least the good thing about energy use these days are that devices are that they generally use less energy than the older counterparts.

15 December 2013

Alternate Dimension special: Riding the Train With Kids (Part 1)

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This happened between the birth of Kotomi's second and third child, so this pre-dates the day when everyone was turned into a young woman. Kotomi had asked me to take care of them for her as if they were mine, but she also told me to make sure that the children would still see her as their mother instead of me. Officially, this was to free up Kotomi's time for work, but I have a feeling that she does not want to take care of them. Why does she want children if she does not want to take care of them? I think she did say something of having someone to succeed her, but because she is a female, the children has to come from her body, a painful process she does not want to go through again.

At infant stages, children are the most annoying things to take care of, but Kotomi's children are oddly well behaved and not annoy their parents. They had always been that way since they were born. So much so that doctors thought they were stillborn during their birth. I wonder if Kotomi's body being modified way back at her own birth had an effect on how her children behaves at behaves. Until she realized this, there was some kind of limiter that prevented her from knowing what her children's genders are, which also means she can't see them as nothing more than a fuzzy presence, and any external references to them that are gender-specific seems censored to her, but she seems to know which child in question is being referred to.

Since she can't tell what her children's genders are because of this, she assumed the opposite of what they actually are, and all attempts to correct her have failed. Kotomi wanted her son to be manly, but since she is persuading this to her daughter instead (she is aware of her mom's condition through me), the daughter ignores her mother, and gives away any men-only things she receives, though that alone has made her less feminine than other girls. Borderline tomboyish, but with the strong female influence in the family (including her brother's behaviour and her father frequently turning into a woman for work), did not go too far in that direction as the male influence is weak.

On the other hand, the son accepts everything he gets from her, including the feminine clothes she gave him. Even Kotomi herself treated him like a girl and teach him things that are commonly associated as "girl's things". You should look at her reaction when she realized that she has been treating the very son she wanted to be manly had became too much like a girl that it became a part of his behaviour from teaching him all the girl things from when she couldn't see his gender: her face had a "what monster have I created?" kind of expression. By this time, it is common to see him in female clothing, even prior to enrolling into Mizuho Academy: it was too late to fix this. It didn't help that this also happened at a time where a lot of men had already been turned into girls and had become socially acceptable for males to do and wear female things as preparation for the inevitable forced transformation by an unseen force. As me saying this five years after the final transformations, I had to admit that the impact is minimal.

So, to those who are reading this before that happened, you are probably wondering what is my world like? Well, you can say it looks like a yuri (female homosexuality) paradise where there is nothing but beautiful young women that can feel lust when they see each other. They can only love another person more, or simply no change to it: there is simply no concept of hate for post-evolution people. They can now also fall in love with another woman the same way as they would for men.

It may sound like some men's dreams come true, but the reality is that, with all men extinct, and nobody being able to get older, it is a nightmare for anyone who has lived before the evolution. The concept of family is gone with everyone looking like girls of the same age, and how we reproduce changed completely to adapt to our new single-gender human race. However, as our female instincts has not changed fundamentally with the evolution, we do react when we see males, but the instincts are trying to activate a function in our body that was removed or modified with the evolution, resulting in a "playback loop" as the instinct tries to maintain what we feel while it tries to activate a missing function over and over for infinity. However, when trying a new attempt, it forgets previous attempts and assumes existing feeling as normal feelings that isn't influenced by the new feeling that is to be introduced. This means what we feel when we see men can't be stopped, and if we see men again, it would be added on top of what we already feel prior to seeing the image, amplifying the feeling to seemingly no end.

We have evolved to become nothing but beautiful women that can feel lust when we see each other, which itself can drive pre-evolution females that were "straight" to go insane. On top of that, the only moods our body can express are only happy, neutral, and sad: we can't express anger at all, on top of not being able to express hate mentioned earlier. What has our world become? It's like someone has poisoned everyone, but there's no one but nature (and that weird doll I encountered before) that did this to us. I hate to say this, but it seems that our world has turned out this way, permanently, without a way to revert this.

So, let me begin my story here before I get distracted...


It was one of those days where Kotomi and Itsuki were both somehow not at home for days, and the kids are bored at home with nothing interesting to do. We normally go to places by car, but those cars are not available. Then I realized that they had probably not taken the train before. How could I not realize this when I used to take trains a lot myself?

I don't think the kids have been to the country's capital before. It can be reached from here via a commuter train, but far enough to not really want to commute there on a daily basis. Well, they eventually have to do it on their own when they go to school.

The nearest station is within walking distance. Fortunately, it is not one of those small or unstaffed stations as those are more complicated to explain, which can confuse a newbie. By that, I mean stations that have an automatic ticket barrier, platforms that aren't on the ground level, and sufficient shelter from the strong winds during thunderstorms.

[Author's note: I have written a dedicated page on this blog on how to ride the trains and buses in Japan.]

I have a contactless ticket with me with sufficient value, but since I am showing the kids how to buy them, I shouldn't this time. Since I am also going to show them what to do if they are at a station further than what the cost of the card would allow, I would buy one of the cheapest tickets.

To determine which ticket to purchase, consult the system map above the ticket machine, with the current station highlighted. The numbers next to the station names are the adult fares per person, with children's fare being half of that rounded up to the nearest 10 yen. Stations not listed are usually operated by a different operator, or require you to head to the manned counter. The machine accepts cash of all denominations, except the 5 and 1 yen coins and, for older ones, 5000 and 10000 yen notes too. We are located at the edges of that map, with the stations within the capital being in the middle. Although transfers to other lines along the way is required, we don't have to go through a ticket barrier to get there from another platform.

The order of selecting the fare needing to be purchase doesn't matter, but on older ticket machines, the money has to be inserted first before the fares that you can afford appears. I gave each them a 10000 yen bill to let them buy for themselves, teaching them how to use it. I advised them to use as much coins from the change as they can for the next purchase if they don't want having too much coins weighing them down. I let them keep the change.

After the purchase of the tickets, we head up to the platforms. This station has only one line that isn't a terminal station, so it's not that hard to figure out. However, if the tracks are in the middle, or transfer to a terminus of a line at a busy station, you have to pay attention to the signs, particularly the latter as they can change. Even at the platform itself, you have to take note what kind of train is arriving: it can be a train that stops at all stations, or an express train that doesn't. Sometimes a non-service train (like an off-service or freight) or an express train that doesn't stop at the station could pass by, which can create a turbulence, loud noise, and is dangerous if you stand too close to one of those trains, which would be announced beforehand. Depending on the station itself, a train of a different line or direction could arrive at your platform. There could also be trains of varying number of carriages that are shorter than the platform itself.

The train that arrived stopped has stopped near us, around where the access to the platform is, occupy most of the platform, with most of the gap between the ends of the train and the edge of the platform being at the rear end of the train: furthest away from the entrance. Judging from the crowd that was alighting and waiting to board, it seems that the passenger load is unevenly distributed, with the front being the most crowded, the rear being relatively empty. I think people go to the rear because of the crowd at the front, or were at stations where that part of the train is the most convenient entrance for them. The children got excited when they entered the train, though I could see other passengers being annoyed by the presence of the children.

Then the kids noticed that the train driver and station staff were doing some hand movements while looking around, sometimes appearing to talk to themselves, all of which looked almost like military drills. The daughter noticed that one of the staff press a button at the end of the platform that plays a melody before the door closes. I told her that is the signal to the driver to begin departing, and the music to warn the passengers that the door will close when the music stops.

Then we reach a station where we have to transfer to a different line, which is more crowded. As we alighted, the children thought we had reached the capital because of how long it had taken, but I explained to them that the train line we were on from homey does not go there, but does stop at stations that interchanges with another line that would eventually lead us to the capital. I added that as long as that line we are transferring to is operated by the same operator or by special arrangement, we would not need to buy another ticket. Sometimes, this could mean having to leave a paid area and entering another due to a lack of a paid link between the two, but you should check beforehand to avoid finding out having to buy another ticket. We didn't have to go through that at any station we transfer at.

As we waited for the next train, Kotomi's son noticed the "women only" sign along parts of the platform that included where we are. I told him that there are carriages dedicated to women only due to frequent cases of women being inappropriately touched by men, particularly when the train would be crowded. We are currently outside the timings when this would be in effect, so males could go in too. The signs and the interior of the carriage, however, does have that female atmosphere to it. Having fewer men than usual than the other carriages could possibly mean that men could simply be unaware of the timings and just avoided them completely.

(In retrospect, I wonder if entering this women only carriage despite being outside stipulated times was a contributing factor to why Kotomi's son had developed fememine behaviour.)

The closer we got to the capital, the more dense the buildings get, though the towns in between and places where there are older buildings from a time where the place was less developed still stands in an otherwise developed area confused me. While houses in remote areas of Japan looks a lot better than a wooden house of a developing country, it is easy to tell from the density: single houses that are far apart from each other, to several low-rise buildings together, and then you would notice more buildings that are also getting taller and taller, and grander.

03 December 2013

Disorientated Feelings (Part 55)

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Hatsuya has spent many days and nights figuring out how to undo what my aunt did, but it is like modifying the back-end of how our world works. How can we modify that? I can't think of any other explanation of how nobody could remember who these people that had changed were on a massive scale. If possible at all, we probably would be making a wild guess as to what to do even if we could somehow gain access to it, and possibly not see all the changes until a lot later on.

Being a candidate to be the next head of the company for my performance, they do let me access to everywhere in the company. This means that I can go to any department that I think would have useful information. I didn't think this could even be possible with me being their lab rat. I guess they have to overlook that for my performance.

It took us months of research, but a gateway has been found. Not the same way as how my aunt discovered it, but there it was. It is kind of cryptic, but there is enough of a pattern to understand the basics. With nothing but my interpretation of what where the settings that my aunt saw, we went on a wild quest to figure out what is going on, changing everything, and reverting any stetting that was found unsuitable.

However, there was a problem.

The settings seemed different. We did manage to find the setting that would stop people from forgetting who the transformed people were, along with having them stay with the same family, However, we were unable to stop the transformations. In fact, the rate seems to be going faster, and children are now no longer spared from being transformed either!

We did try to change the setting again after noticing the changes, but we were unable to access it again: either they changed the method of access and spend another year or more researching from scratch (something Hatsuya isn't willing to do), denied access from realizing on being hacked, or the changes that were made are permanent. One thing for sure is that we failed to change the world to what it was like.

I went to the dimension department to check if the changes done had an effect on other timelines and dimensions. It appears that our past has not changed at all despite the changes and, even more strange, none of the other dimensions similar to us had people transforming at all, as if we are the only ones with this. I did not want to know what the future looked like, but the staff there had told me that regardless of whether we did that or not, it made no difference to the near future where mankind are made up of only females. Everyone is wearing somewhat the same kind of clothes that wouldn't look out of place for students, office workers, or those high-class service staff, but for construction works and farmers is just so out of place with that outfit. Even more concerning is that everyone outside Japan look like Japanese, and they are wearing the same clothes too! What on earth happened that has everyone wearing almost the same kind of clothes?!

They were able to locate all of my children and Saeko, including my cross-dressing son whom they say looked the same, but none of them are living together. I'm guessing that they got married or studying somewhere away from home. However, what is more concerning is that no one else in the family, including myself, could be located. Where could I be in the future? It sounded like I no longer exist. They guessed that following Saeko around could lead us to them since she is emotionally attached to me and has no friends, but apparently she either lives by herself, or with an unrecognisable group of girls who  are not wearing the same clothes as Saeko, and neither do they look alike. How did Saeko know them? Why does she hang around them so much?

Just what is this future I am looking at? What exactly is causing this future to be unavoidable no matter what the choices I make from now on? Is it what the final result of the ongoing transformations will be, or will it be separate? Unfortunately, we can't tap into the network of a different time or dimension to find out due to a technical limitation with the viewer itself. The best thing is to look over someone's shoulders, if it is on the slim chance that they are even looking at it at all, or fast forward / rewind the time where something happened, but even that requires you to be attentive, if you are even looking at the right place and angle to begin with. Since even this future back then is still my present future, we have no new information about this. We suspect that people of the future are keeping us in the dark about this, and what we have seen in the future are without context.

In any case, we have to stand back and observe if our fiddling with cryptic settings has made a change with the world, or if our guess is correct.


A month has passed since we modified those settings. We did not manage to stop the transformations, but we did slow down the rate this is happening. That initial rapid transformation was only temporary as settings are being applied. Now people are more aware that they are being turned into young girls that resembles whoever the two untransformed oldest family members, instead of being genetically part of a completely different family. However, even with their memories of their previous life intact, their behaviour is highly unlike how they were like, and more of the young girl they appear to be. Their memory from the previous life seem to only play a secondary role as nothing more than knowing who these people they are living with are, and related memories to keep so they aren't alienated. They also seem to have forgotten the bad memories and people they had, ones that conflicted with their new feminine behaviour or are insignificant memories that aren't supposed to be remembered. Examples of memories forgotten include them being a level 62 wizard in some side-scrolling massive online role playing game, or knowledge about their favourite soccer teams and matches. Not sure if that is a good thing or not, but looking at what gets forgotten, it is pretty much getting rid of the junk and giving the remaining space more capacity and breathing room so that more useful memories can get remembered better. Make me wonder what I will forget when my time comes... no, I would rather not think of it now.

Also, I noticed a pattern on the transformations: the older and tougher one is, the earlier they get transformed. In theory, that means that at the end of the transformations, the only men that remains untransformed are the young and girly guys that are, apart from gender, not much different from the girls everyone else had already been transformed into! That sounds like the unavoidable fate we have to face eventually. I wouldn't be surprised my son is one of the last males to remain untransformed. It also seems that females are not affected by this at all until they get old, so the only "manly" people left are the untransformed females.

The former adult and elderly males, along with females that didn't look or behave like one, did get confused when they saw themselves as a pretty young girl, but they did adjust to their new feminine selves quickly. If they had any sickness or disability prior to the transformations, those would be gone without a trace. There were objections on this mass transformations going on, but with nothing but what appears to be an unexplained phenomenon by mother nature (or "god"). Not sure if them forgetting bad things and the sub-concous instinct to move like a girl has anything to do with that. I'm not saying that I really want everyone to be turned into a girl, but I'm surprised with the acceptance rate with their new selves. I don't know if this would have been more dramatic or have gotten worse, as the people who could have violently reject this phenomenon of change had already been changed beyond recognition without knowing it.

This is certainly an improvement over us not knowing that this is going on at all until we noticed an unexplained gender ratio imbalance, which itself was quite some time from when this was first noticed. Even though we failed to stop the transformations, we can at least be aware of the progress on who has been changed, and mostly keep our memories intact when the changes happens to us.

What still puzzles us is why can't we still know who the people who had been transformed within the year prior to the modifications we did? There is nothing new in my head that tells me who is this Naomi girl living with my aunt other than the false memories in my head and modified DNA on her body that says she is her "sister". I guess this is probably one of those things where you can't change what has already been changed. It's too early to tell if they can be transformed again under the new settings, but I would probably would have been transformed myself before that happens when I hit the maximum age I can be without transforming. If this is true, I can theoretically live forever as I can't become an elderly woman or get the problems associated with it.

Some people have suggested to the government to allow men to dress up like women for their eventual transformation to mitigate the shock. The government had not approved it officially, but public schools have seem to have quietly allowed this. While the attire for male and female still exists, the description and rules have been carefully reworded to suggest that people of either gender could wear an attire that is designed for the opposite gender without penalty. New schools introduced during this period that accept males seem to have the "unisex" uniform to look a lot like what is usually for females. All the former boys' school were forced to either go co-ed or close down when the number of boys in the school became too low, on top of the high demand for places in schools among females.

Apparently, the male uniforms proved to be unpopular with the girls, but more male students do start wearing the female ones. The same goes to companies and organisations that do have different male and female uniforms. Even though males had not fully turned into females, I already knew at this time that everyone is practically female now as the tougher men have already been transformed, with how early it happened being relative to how tough they were. The only "tough" people left are girls who had not been transformed yet.

Nobody seemed to care that there are now too few men for a woman (including the former males) to be able to reproduce. The only practical way to keep up with the rapidly declining birth rate is for the man to "mate" with multiple women, but it's a loosing battle with so many women already, and more of the precious few remaining men being turned into women. A man can make many women pregnant in nine months, but a woman can only produce one child in that same period. But how can we reproduce when all of the men are gone? Our "eternal youth" may be stopping us from dying from old age, but we can still die from other causes like vehicle accidents. I hope someone somewhere is researching on how us females can reproduce in the absence of men, and I can't stress enough on how urgent this is. Even though I personally hate having children, mine actually turned out to be quite well behaved even as infants, which is considered rare and unusual. Not sure if me being modified at birth had an indirect effect of what kind of children I produce...

So what is the world like today compared to when I was in high school? Long queues for the female toilet, crowded schools, more cross dressing men (embreasing to say my own husband and son are one of them), work requiring people to be brave or quick gets slowed down. As a result of that last one, transformed people who worked in those kinds of jobs were fired for underperforming, only to have the company not be able to find a replacement and were to eventually forced to either close down or have machines. I hope the transformed people can program these things: the world needs these even more.

The world I am living in is going too far in the feminine direction, but what can we do but to make it comfortable? Well, I didn't really think much of the changes itself until it changed someone really close to me: my dad. Yes, my dad got turned into one of those adolescent females that are becoming increasingly common today.

Part 54 | Part 56

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中野区, 東京都, Japan
帰国子女 英語能力は堪能。趣味はアニメや漫画やプログラムコードを編集。通常、あたしの小説を英語で書いてです。Grew up abroad &travelled to different countries. I write my own fictional novel on my blog.