Haruka's Diary
Chasing After Rainbows: Teary Promise: Brother's Side

18 September 2012

Teary Promise: Brother's Side

My name is Isaka Tsukasa (井阪一), 2nd year student of Kobayagawa High School. Although there's nothing wrong with the characters of my name, I don't like my parents for choosing Tsukasa as a way to pronounce it, as it sounds like a girl's name to me. I prefer my friends to call me Hitoshi instead, which can also be written with the same character, so they would never suspect that until a relative call me by my name in front of my friends who are used to the other name.

I am a member of the chess club that forms one of the many small clubs in the school, and not much large ones. This is partially because joining a club itself in my school is not mandatory. The larger clubs are typically pretty much what you would expect any school would have: art, music, swimming, baseball, soccer, and so on.

This school is an average school with several other schools in this city: including Kamisugi High (上杉高校) and Kaisei Junior High (海星中学). The well-known Mizuho Girls' Academy (瑞穂女子学園) is also part of the city, but the massive size of their campus, along with the state-of-the-art facilities it has, the academy campus seem like it's a city on its own. It is hard to describe what Mizuho is like, but it's like entering a different world. I would talk about my encounter with Mizuho later.

If it weren't for Mizuho Academy and the headquarters of the well known Powell Research company, this city would just simply be just another insignificant city. I heard that where Powell's headquarters used to be an abandoned mansionette that existed long before the city itself was established. That building still exists as where the office of the big boss (aka the founder) is located. They have a general hospital at the outer edges of the land.

The windows around where that office would be looked like the only untouched part of the building during the major interior revamp, but people who have been to her office said that the only windows there are facing the corridor on the opposite side, and no sign of the mysterious room. People that worked at night added that lights from there were sometimes seen turned on.

According to my mother, who works there, the founder of the company is regularly seen wearing the uniform of the high school section of Mizuho Academy, but was seen wearing the Kamisugi High (another school in the city) uniform the year before. She probably transferred because her potential would be better utilized at Mizuho instead of Kamisugi. Kamisugi is a typical high school like mine.

For a company that only employs college graduates or higher, it's hard to believe that it was founded by a young girl that is currently still in high school. Judging by the year the company was founded, that would mean that she was still in primary school at that time, but records say she was in middle school. That would make her the youngest person to have founded a company, which itself has grown to be quite well known all over.

This city might not be as great as the capital city I grew up in, but even its average school is considered better than at the town where I live now. You see, I travel four hours daily just for school to get there and back. The schools at the town I live doesn't seem to have a good school, as evident by the behaviour and attire of the students of those schools. My family felt that it might not be good to be sent to a school in the town.

I moved into this town with my family during the break between my first and second year of middle school due to dad's work. At first, it was at the neighbouring town by the beach, but my mother became worried over huge tidal waves that we moved further inland to where we live now. I wasn't really sure if she was overreacting about it. Well, that is what my memory tells me, because I felt that things that happened 3 or more years ago never happened, but it's probably my imagination.

I'm not the only child in the family: I have a younger sister that is about a year younger than me that attends the same school. We are very much like twins and close siblings that we don't call each other by name. Our parents had a hard time telling each other part. It wasn't until when my sister entered middle school (shortly after we moved from the city) where our gender differences became more apparent and affected how we saw each other.

We behave very much like each other, or rather, she behaved like me. Our primary school did not have any uniforms and, until recently, she never wore female clothes because she wanted to dress like me. Our friends often mistake me for the other and vice versa, and be able to get away with it because we could answer and do things that was meant for the other.

Although the middle school I attended for my first year had a uniform, her boyish behaviour meant that she saw herself as a boy instead of a girl and didn't see my uniform as something only males wear. Her middle school uniform was the first girlish clothing she (had to) wear and wondered why it looked so different from mine (apart from having the same colours) that is also for the same school that has pants, while she wears a skirt instead. To her, wearing female clothing is like cross-dressing as she is so used to male things, behaving like a boy, and apart from mom's things, never used or own anything that was specifically designed for girls only.

At first, my sister never thought much about the unfamiliar female clothing, apart from seeing it as cross-dressing, as it was bought by our mother and probably thought it was for people to tell her apart from me. However, as time passed, she had a rude shock with the changes to our bodies: My voice became deeper and was growing taller, but she instead grew breasts (it's bigger now) and experienced pain every month while peeing out blood. Her male-like mind made her confused on what is happening to her body, and why her body is growing so differently from me, who she saw as a twin who is supposed to look alike.

Thinking that it was a disease, and still thinking she was a boy, she thought her body had a growth defect and believed that her breasts were tumors to the point of wanting to get rid of them. She even complained that her old clothes and the (male) clothes of her size that she tried out were getting tighter and tighter to the point of being uncomfortable. Sometimes, she doesn't bath or change clothes simply because she doesn't want to see her breasts or feel the senses from it by just the slightest touch to it because the skin there is quite sensitive to the point of feeling aroused. Even mum says that she herself feels the same. In the end, she had to be persuaded by me or mum to do so. Higher chance of it working if it's me because of how close we are.

She grew up thinking too much like a boy that it almost seemed as if my sister, from her point of view, had her gender changed and was feeling senses that are quite alien to her. As her brother, I can assure you my sister has been a girl since birth, though it might be my fault for brainwashing her into thinking she is a boy, but I was very young and, me being the older brother and her copying me, I never saw what I was doing back then as something only boys do. Even my parents were clueless as to how to raise me and my sister, and actually left me to take care of her when they saw her following and copying me, who doesn't know how girls should behave and instead had her adapt my male behavior. She faithfully copied me until she reached puberty when she got confused as what she think she was is completely different from what she is.

My sister kept denying of being a girl and still want to be like me, until she realized that only female clothes are able to accomodate her growing breasts comfortably, which includes the middle school uniform she has been wearing all the time.

As of High School now, she seemed to have given in to the female feelings in her and accepting the fact that she is a girl and not a boy she was raised to think. She doesn't blame me for it as she saw the effort I had put into raising her, and having nothing but myself for reference. However, she is still attached to me that it makes finding a girlfriend difficult. We do still think alike, but it's impossible for either of us to pass off as one another other than as text.

I don't know what she does when she's not around me, apart from heading to a secluded beach near home. Although she still says that she doesn't like being a girl, her behavior is slowly progressing from an energetic boy to a shy young lady. It's amazing how quickly a person can change their personality and not notice it themselves without looking back.


*****

So, what is this great deal about me and Mizuho? Well, it started with my chess club competing with other schools in the prefecture. My clubroom only has some cheap and massed produced chest set made out of the same cardboard on packages for the board, and the same kind of plastic used for bottles, only harder. Nobody thought the cheapest chess set would be this cheap in quality. Nowhere near the quality that would be used in competition. However, the club is being realistic by competing with other schools at community places or, if proper facilities are available, at their school. Mizuho is one of those schools big enough to even hold several competition-level events. That academy is a really rich school that even the second most famous school in the city is nowhere this big both in terms of land size and number of students.

The first time I entered Mizuho, I was amazed with how huge it is, and how futuristic the place looked compared with just the outside. I was told that the technology to achieve it had already existed that aren't widely used yet. Everyone I saw in there were girls wearing many different uniforms who all have the identically huge breasts that were larger than any female I know of. It was like a boy's paradise here. It never occurred to me at that time on what me and my club members looked like, but the students there did correctly identify us as students from Kobayagawa High, and I do remember everyone introducing themselves.

However, after the competition with Mizuho, I realized that my student pass had gone missing. I don't know when or where it happened, and I had cover huge distances in the campus since entering that it would be an uphill task to trace back my steps. The receptionist told me that they would find it and told me to collect it in the morning, giving me enough time to reach my school on time. I guess people loose things quite often, and I guess the person who goes on patrol would forward things they found to the lost item counter at the end of their shift.

Because I have to be back at the counter before heading to school, I was also told that I could stay at the dormitories of the academy for as long as I like by simply occupying any vacant room for as long as I like without paying any rent or fees. Of course, I told my parents that I'm staying elsewhere closer to school so that the time otherwise spent traveling to and from home would be better used for my studies. Rooms that are occupied are displayed. Maybe I could use this place as a place to stay since travelling to and from home is very long. It feels like I could study and do my homework better with this atmosphere at the campus. No wonder so many people who graduated from Mizuho are quite smart. It's because of that so many wanted to enter the school, which itself caused the entrance test to be just below Tokyo University in terms of difficulty. Although the academy could take in a lot of people, being popular means that it could be taken up quickly, and are sorted according to rank in the tests if there are more people than places.

The dormitories are scattered all over the academy, and are not gender segregated. All are designed for up to four people, but most of the occupied rooms I walked past only have one or two people in it. The interior of the one I chose is like a nice hotel and the room temperature is maintained around 25℃ regardless of the external temperature. Strangely enough, there is no toilet or bathtub provided. What seemed like the toilet had some unfamiliar looking fixtures in it that I don't know what it's for, or how to use them.

*****

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until I noticed on the train to school the following day, that I had collected the wrong student ID! I could see why I had easily made this mistake: it belonged to a girl who attends the same school as me, and even had the same way of writing and pronouncing the name as me. At a glance, everything on this card looks like the same as mine, with the only glaring exception being the photo on the student ID.

Since this belonged to a student of my school, it would be common sense for me to bring it to my school's lost and found counter the first thing before heading for lunch. However...

Receptionist: "What are you talking about? The photo on this student is you of course. Why are you reporting your own student ID as lost when you are holding it in your own hands?"

Not wanting to argue, I walked away and kept it with me, wondering what to do with this student ID with a glaringly obvious picture of a girl with the gender stated as female. Everyone I asked also thinks that it belongs to me. Is it me who is seeing things?

As I sighed while eating lunch, a beautiful girl came to sit opposite me. I didn't see her coming as she came from behind. I don't understand why she chose to sit at my table directly opposite me when there are tables with empty seats elsewhere in the cafeteria. However, I do admit that she looks attractive, and, come to think of it, she does have quite a resemblance to the unknown girl on the ID with me, but not exactly like the girl in the photo...

Girl: "Hi there! I need to seat with someone so that my friends would not find me as easily than if I were to sit by myself."

Wait, I should keep this thing before she talks about it. Who is this girl? I've never seen her before. Her presence is making my heart beat faster. Is this a potential girlfriend who is making her move first?

Me: "Um, sure! G-Go on."

An awkward silence soon followed. I'm too nervous to say anything. She looks like a first year, so maybe she isn't in any club yet.

Me: "Er... I'm with the chess club. You seem to be a first year and our club is kind of small in the number of members. Do you know how to play chess?"

Her facial expression tells me that she wasn't interested in chess, but does know something about it.

Girl: "I only know the western chess, but I do get defeated very quickly when I play. No one pointed out where I did wrong. I don't intend to join a club because traveling time to head back home and doing homework alone is taking too much of my time outside lesson time. I intend to score good grades."

Her mentioning not being in a club because she lives far away from school sounds awfully familiar. However, the conversation was awkwardly ended there as neither of us said anything until I finished my meal. I don't know why she didn't get up and leave in that span of time, but her presence and appearance as an attractive girl is infatuating me.

Girl: "Well, it looks like my friends might have given up searching for me by now. I had fun talking to..."

I really want her to be my girlfriend. I don't know when the next opportunity would come because it's rare for a girl to approach guys first. I have to say it now. She had been patiently waiting for me to finish my meal before saying that, which clearly means she doesn't have friends waiting for her as she never looked at the time or anywhere else besides me and my food, on top of being empty tables around us. A clear sign she was interested in me.

Me: "Will you go out with me? Tell me you name, or at least where I can find you."

Her face tells me that I had said certain keywords that she has been waiting for me to say. She seemed happy, which means it is now guaranteed that she will be my girlfriend.

Girl: "Oh? I didn't? Well, I'm usually in my classroom for about 15 minutes after the last bell to prepare for my long way home... maybe we should give our email address while we figure everything out. By the way, I'm..."

She started doing her hair as she was saying that for some reason. The hairstyle she is doing looked awfully familiar, like I have seen it several times before.

Girl (in a different tone): "...Inami. Inami Yumiko. Your own younger sister."

Huh? This perfectly attractive girl who has been attracting me was my own sister?! She's totally unrecognisable from what I'm used to from as recent as just yesterday morning. How did this formerly tomboyish shy little sister of mine became like an attractive young lady overnight? Was it something I said to her? Like, not relying on me too much that made her change? Why is she doing this to me?

Sister: "Sorry, I was trying to see if you could recognize me with my new look, but since you didn't, I might as well give you a taste of what it's like when a girl walks up to you on her own, something that won't be like the real thing if you knew who I was."

That was her little test to see if I could recognize her with her new look?! I've been fooled: women can really look completely different.

Sister: "Us thinking alike means what I know about my own weaknesses would also work on you. Sorry... You raised me like a boy since before I knew anything, and that male way of thinking got me very confused when my body got increasingly feminine. I know I used to be so energetic and yelling with the other boys like equals, but I subconsciously became a shy girl that finds it difficult to look at boys. I'm still the same me as back then that can think the same way as you. Me trying to behave like a boy like I used to could trigger certain female instincts in me that makes it hard for me to be able to think. As much as I hate behaving like a girl myself, that is sadly what I am biologically, and what society expects me to behave."

*****

Later that day, I showed my sister that card. She seemed amazed as if she can't believe what she's seeing, but the last thing I would expect her to say from all that curiosity is what all the others has said: "Isn't this yours?". However, as she was saying that, she wore the expression on her face that suggests that those words aren't what she wanted to say and hinting to me that the card might be cursed. Either way, I came home that day to take my stuff to the Mizuho dormitory from the following morning onwards.

*****

While unpacking my things, my knee bumped into some furniture. I never thought much about it as it wasn't painful at all, until I realized that my skin just had direct contact with the object. I was puzzled at first because I could still feel my uniform's pants being worn at my waist, but as I walked around, I could feel that the bottom of it rubbing against my lower thigh. None of the shorts I have ever worn is that short or this much airy.

As I looked down to see what happened to my pants, something else caught my attention: I have two round mounds forcing through from underneath my uniform shirt around my chest, which made an otherwise loose shirt becoming a tight fit. Why do I have it? These things are embarrassingly huge and they oddly feel a part of my body that I don't think it could be removed at all. I tried to have a closer look, but I was unable to unbutton it, which was when I also realized that the buttons are on the opposite side with no button at my collar. Looking further down, I saw myself wearing a skirt instead of pants, which explains what I felt while walking. What on earth happened to me? How did I not notice it earlier?

I've gotten used to seeing girls wearing skirts of this length before, but now I'm wearing it myself, it feels like I'm wearing nothing! The idea of feeling nothing being worn even though I appear to be wearing something is an alien concept to me. Even as I sat down trying to figure out what was going on, I found myself automatically holding the back of my skirt before sitting down and my legs to either criss-cross each other, or stuck together and leaning to a side. (Was I sub-consciously doing that during chess practice yesterday?) Even with that, my skirt barely covered my legs from the cold surface of the chair I sat on. Do girls really face these problems with their skirts a lot? If so, why do I see them wearing it a lot and not complaining? In fact, every single person I saw in Mizuho wears only skirts that are actually shorter than what I'm wearing.

Despite the very strong feminine things in my sight and mind, I never felt my male thing growing big and rock hard, which usually happens when I think too much of female things. As I found out, I don't have such a thing on my body and, in its place, felt a tightly shut slit that goes inside me. Do all girls have this too? I hate to admit, but not having a male thing there actually makes me feel more comfortable wearing a skirt and having my legs together.

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw the face of the girl on the student ID from yesterday staring back at me, wearing the female version of my school uniform similar to what I see myself wearing now. There was no one else besides her that is visible in the mirror I was looking at, which I found strange as I did not see myself on it. I moved myself and saw that girl doing the exact same thing as me. She looked pretty attractive, if only she could be... WAIT! THAT GIRL IN THE MIRROR IS ME?! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!

Did me and my club members look like this when we came into Mizuho yesterday? I never paid attention, but I did notice that every single person in this huge campus is female. I don't know how or why, but I don't have much time now to make it to my school on time.

So, that student ID with me yesterday really was mine. The unknown girl was really the me as I am now. I now look more like a near-identical version of my sister than my male self. If they recognize the female photo of me as me in my male self, would they not notice that I've been turned into a girl when I turn up for class? I don't have the time to figure out how to turn back!

At class, my classmates noticed and greeted me. Besides the usual people, there are more female classmates than male who greeted me. The fact that they weren't shocked on seeing me means that my classroom and school never changed: they didn't notice that I am a girl now, or they thought I had always been one. It's hard to tell which gender I am being treated as, though my best friend did have a different body language: looking at me a lot, but not at my face. At the chess club, we did talked about yesterday's practice match at Mizuho Academy, but there was no mention of being turned into girls, and neither did I see anything different with the club members who were there (or at least, what my memory is telling me).

Several days has passed since it happened, but I still have yet to figure out how to be turned back. I did not return home or, except in text form, never talked to my sister. She doesn't mind me staying at Mizuho dormotories, but it can get suspicious to her not to see me at school. During those few days trying to figure out, I mysteriously never felt hungry or thirsty, or even felt the need to use the toilet the whole day since this morning. There was oddly no physical education classes either.

So, how did I turn myself back into a boy? Well, a Mizuho High girl, with the name Kanade Haneda (羽田 奏) on her name tag, was calling me as I was walking around near the main entrance, where it contains the only asphalt road in the whole campus. The road leads to the office area from the outside, briefly passing past a research lab, and outdoor sporting facilities. (I don't get how Mizuho students can do sports very well when they can't even remove their regular school uniform.)

Kanade: "Oh, hi there! Are you having problems taking out your uniform?"

A girl from the high school department approached me. She had the name Kanade Haneda (羽田 奏) on her name tag.

Kanade: "I know mine can't be removed until I graduate, but, for you, you can do it outside the campus as long as no one sees you, or know where you are exactly. This specific Kobayakawa female uniform you are wearing is actually a Mizuho uniform for visitors. Visitors of other schools would see that of their school version."

Me: "Thanks for the tip. But how do you know this much detail?"

Kanade: "I was... used as a model when they designed the uniform and have a brother who works here."

If she says her brother works here, and being one of the people involved with designing of the uniform, she must have known about boys like me being turned into girls, but I'm not going to ask her about that.

Kanade: "Your mother told me that you were staying here and, since I have to come here, I might as well meet you. From the images I saw at her office, you do look a lot like your younger sister, even when you were a child. I saw your student ID at the lost and found counter. Would had brought it to your mother if you hadn't told the lost and found office about it."

How does she know about my mother?! I have to admit that me as my female form does make it possible for me and my sister to look alike again. Actually, it hurts more if we don't look alike. I only anticipated my sister to crossdress and trying out a deeper voice to be like me, not the other way where I am transformed. Being siblings with the same set of parents, I don't think my face looks much different than before, but gender-specific facial features makes it hard at a glance to confirm this. It seems that, on top of the free accommodation and utility usage, Mizuho is actually paying me to stay there.

Me: "How did you know my mother? Are you even talking about the same person here?"

Kanade: "Didn't she already told you about an important person at where she works looking out of place wearing a school uniform?"

Hold on. Mizuho High uniform... Knows my mother well... Mentioned that she saw me and my sister on a photo at my mother's office... And I think my mother did mention about a misleading name tag being worn. Huh?

Me: "Wait a minute! What were you doing at my mother's office, and how did you get there? She told me that non-employees aren't allowed to go any further than the hospital area unless with permission."

Kanade: "Er... I forgot to introduce myself, did I?"

She gave me a name card with her picture on it and briefly showed me her staff pass.
Saeko Hisakawa
Founder, Chief Executive Officer
Powell Research Corporation

Kanade: "My name is Saeko Hisakawa, the so called founder and CEO of Powell Research. I am the big boss there, so of course I can go anywhere I like around Powell, though my appearance can be misleading to those who don't know what I looked like. I have been kicked out of meetings by my own staff and scolded by security out of a misunderstanding, but I guess it can't be helped because I stand out too much to fit the image of a Powell staff. I can't even grow older or take out this uniform to blend in."

I heard her saying "so called" when she mentioned her job title. She is strangely informal for an important person like her and appeared reluctant to mention her job post. There was no mention about her youthfulness, or why she had a different name in Mizuho. Also, to be kicked out of a meeting as a CEO by your own staff is crazy.

Hisakawa: "If you excuse me, I have something to do now. I hope we meet again soon."

I see her walking towards the Hatsuya branch. She seemed out of place for someone who is part of the upper management of a serious company. I have this feeling that other senior managers want to get rid of her for things like contradicting the company's policies, but with her holding the highest position, and founding the very company they work for, they can't do anything about it.

There are rumours that if she hires people herself, that person would be hired without an interview. This means that they would not need to go through the hiring department that is infamously known for their strict interview process on top of requiring a degree for any position. However, for the founder herself to hire people itself is quite rare. According to staff hired by her, it came unexpectedly and she made it sound like a small company when describing it.

*****
After several encounters with my mother's boss, she allowed me to use her money to order anything I like, no matter how expensive it may be. She admitted that her personal relationship with me is now stronger than my mother.

Hisakawa: "You see, my income is far too much for me to spend it for myself. Even if I retire now, I would still have a lot in excess even after considering spending it on expensive things everyday until I grow old, and setting aside funds for my family. I think I can also finance a huge fraction of any expensive project, or donate a large amount of to charity, but I would be attracting attention. Since I'm also seen as a founder of Powell Research, my actions can affect the company's shareholders funding even though it's unrelated."

For some reason, Hisakawa always seem to imply to me that Powell is not hers and her attitude is more like being forced to take over a family business that she doesn't want to. Since the company is managed by the upper management team and not her alone, the company can run on its own without her input. She can override the decisions the upper management team has decided, and Hisakawa's decisions can't be overwritten. This also indirectly means that staff that were hired by Hisakawa herself, and some staff she has an interest on, can't be fired except by Hisakawa herself.

After selecting the things to order from the online store, the delivery date was scheduled to be around the second week of March. The size of the order means that my presence is needed to collect the delivery from the courier. However, it is not yet clear when exactly the graduation ceremony would be and, as a second year student, be present to show appreciation for the graduating third years. Whether it happens and me being involved would greatly affect the address I would use to have it deliver to: my home, or the Mizuho dormitories. If it is delivered to home address, but with me not around when it arrives, there's the high possibility for my family to ask what I ordered and, particularly my sister, would open the package before I get back. The Mizuho dormitories seems like a safer choice.

I don't know how am I going to reveal my appearance as a girl to my sister if she wants a picture of me, or hear my voice, inside Mizuho. If an emergency situation happens while I am there, it is highly possible that I would reveal it by accident. Knowing her, she could be shocked.

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中野区, 東京都, Japan
帰国子女 英語能力は堪能。趣味はアニメや漫画やプログラムコードを編集。通常、あたしの小説を英語で書いてです。Grew up abroad &travelled to different countries. I write my own fictional novel on my blog.