Story 9 Part 4

I laid down on my bed after returning from a day at work, reflecting on the oddities of Yanagi's transformed body. She's like a living female mannequin of those well dressed store displays, but like those mannequins, she can't do anything to me no matter how much she wants to: her body is forcing her to not be able to look or interact with intimate parts of pre-transformed people like me. I can see her struggling to force herself to do it, but her body just refuses to respond. Similarly, I can't do anything to her because her body is rejecting me.

She didn’t mean to turn me down, but her body isn't allowing her to look or handle non-evolved private bits. She's so desperate that she tried to look at porn, but because of the heavy involvement of what she's not allowed to see, it's like trying to read a heavily censored book where the uncensored bits are the more "tame" bits between sex scenes that make up less than a third of the content. It's like being denied eating the food you crave that's siting right in front of you, for multiple times in a row that it became quite a while since you could, and desperation growing stronger.

It is this frustration of being unable to do anything despite being desperate that eventually lead to discovery of that having her breast being sucked by me for her milk as the only intimate activity that we can do, though I sensed that she's still not happy about her passive role in this. Surprisingly, her breast milk tastes so delicious that I've grown to having an addiction to keep drinking it, and it keeps going even if the volume drank exceeds what her breasts can physically contain. However, there's something nagging in my head to stop drinking it like there's something wrong with the milk, but it's too addictive.

Unlike women, all transformed people have breasts that produces a seemingly infinite supply of milk even when not pregnant, if that's possible. Handy if stranded without easy access to food or drink in a remote location, but it's physically impossible for one to drink their own.

I can sense that Yanagi is still not satisfied from breastfeeding me. I asked her what she wants: she has a burning desire of having sex with me. That's an impossible request to fulfill as that's not possible. She knows pretty well that her body is forcing her to behave like the pre-transformed body doesn’t exist and taking active measures to ensure that she forgets with her pre-transformed memories that it existed by preventing her from looking or feeling one since being transformed so she couldn't re-enforce her memories of it through the passage of time. If she did have thoughts of it, whether from accessing old memories or forced to look at it, it cannot be recorded into her memory.

I asked her if she ever thought of me sexually, which may have helped her remember. However, this doesn’t help either as her body instincts has been completely changed. If she tries imagining me sexually, she finds herself instead doing strange lesbian things with an unknown girl she has never met before. She became confused and frustrated as her imagination became wildly different from what she wants. First of all, she doesn't want to be a lesbian, and secondly, she’s being unusually intimate with an unknown schoolgirl she never met before. No matter how hard she tried thinking of me sexually, the same specific schoolgirl keep appearing in her imagination as my replacement.

This piped my interest. If she could only sexually imagine transformed people like her, and was thinking of me when the unknown girl showed up as my replacement, wouldn't that mean that girl is my transformed counterpart? If so, why does she not recognize her as me? Is my female form so different beyond recognition, or is she really a totally different person that Yanagi is unknowingly in love more than me?

Curious about how she imagined me if the only people she can sexually imagine are other transformed like her, and knowing their clothes giving a hint of where they’re from, I asked her to describe the unknown girl’s clothes.

Yanagi described her as having the same build as her. She wears the winter school uniform that has the feel of a prestigious institution different from the usual ones, though the professionalism of the image was ruined by having it unbuttoned to expose her breasts so she could "interact" with Yanagi. The skirt she wore is quite unusual for a school uniform as the design resembled more typical for office than school, but instead of black, is in a solid dark colour that isn't the same as her blazer, but still keeping the prestigious look. Her legs were “interesting” (her words): she liked the sight of seeing her legs straining against her skirt as she tries to spread her legs wider than her skirt allows, and how she moved the rest of her legs from the resulting inability. Seeing this with the dark sheer material encasing her legs makes this scene more sexy.

The situation the imagination is in makes it hard to tell about the personality of this girl, but students of prestigious places are usually rich, and usually doesn't interact with anyone not in a family that is as rich as them. Yanagi was curious why she’s being so intimate  with her as she’s not related to anyone rich. She's feeling conflicted of liking me, but needing this unknown girl she has never met to be able satisfy her desperate sexual needs.

Matching the details that Yanagi described, against possible places I know that has a uniform that gives off the same vibes, my suspected probability of that girl being me has turned from "unlikely" to "highly likely" as there's nowhere I can think of but the female uniforms of rich schools in my hometown that closely matches the style of this unique uniform design. This in itself increased the probability of the girl in question being me, even though me and my family aren't as rich as the design imply. I don’t want to tell Yanagi this could be me without certainty, especially without knowing exactly what she imagined. But the fact that she never pointed the resemblance to me means I'm either unrecognizable, a completely different person that isn't me, or just simply never paid attention.

The thought of me as a man being turned into a sexy teenage girl is giving me the chills... and me inappropriately getting a hard-on because that's normal for a man when they think of a sexy woman even if it's the female version of me. Not sure if I would miss this when I do get changed. Sure it can be embarrassing to be seen having it, especially by a woman, but there's no obvious indicator like it. I think females and transformed could tell that they're feeling horny when the clothes over her breasts gets noticeably tighter than usual, but that's difficult for an outsider to tell.

"Um, why am I suddenly unable to look at you? Is there something I'm incapable of knowing about visible if I was able to look at you?", said my puzzled girlfriend.

Now that I think about it, Yanagi is already transformed. She's neither a girl nor a guy now. I don't know if it would be better if I get transformed willingly as soon as possible, but as it is right now, this transformed & non-transformed relationship is causing tensions and difficult to sustain if one party can't tolerate the sexual frustration of being unable to do anything because of sexual incompatibilities. I'm lucky Yanagi, the one who might be feeling it the most between us, sees me mainly as a companion to fill in her loneliness she was in when I met her, and sees having this frustration only as a problem of being a transformed that she could do nothing about and should just tolerate. Even so, even people with high tolerance do have their breaking point, and I have a feeling that it might not be that long before that limit is reached.

Hold on, assuming that the unknown schoolgirl was me, but Yanagi didn't recognise me, how would I prove to her when the time comes?

"Hey," I uttered.

"Yes? Believe me, I'm feeling stupid taking to you when I can't face you," replied Yanagi.

My hard-on had not yet subsided.

"What if that unknown girl you kept imagining is how I might look if I do get transformed? I can't think of any other possibility as to why you kept seeing her when you tried thinking of me sexually, but you could only imagine transformed people."

She gave a thought about it.

"...w- what are you saying?! A guy like you becoming a girl to... Well, I supposed it's better to be you, as the one I like, to be same person as the one who could help with my secret desires. It'd be very weird if one of the two isn't you, not that you are capable of doing the latter to me right now."

Wow. This is the closest to her directly admitting about that frustration I just talked about.

"I'm just giving you advanced warning just so you don't kick me out like an intruder the first time you see me after I changed. I'm getting worried about being turned because a lot of my colleagues, who were mostly men, are being changed too. It's getting weirder and weirder to see more office ladies doing package delivery that they now look."

"Ah, that kicking out part..."

She looked as if she would have done that if I didn't warn her.

"Well, send me a selfie when that happens. Include something visible in the background that I could identify as your place if you don't match up exactly how I described the girl just a moment earlier. If you've changed, but I called you before you could send that selfie, I doubt I would recognise your new voice, so... well... tell me about the placement of things in my house that's different from a typical home. Of course, I won't ask you something as detailed as what exactly is the 4th clothing from the right in my streaming room."

I was initially scared about how my girlfriend would react to me becoming a transformed like her, but I supposed that was fairly good considering that she saw me more as a companion to keep her company. Even Yanagi herself has mixed feelings about me changing: she's not quite receptive at the idea of attaching "boyfriend" to someone that obviously looks like a girl, or any guy dressed as a girl for that matter. On the other hand, she would gain a companion that can do something about her frustrations she's been bottling in.

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