Haruka's Diary
Chasing After Rainbows: Disorientated Feelings (Part 41)

17 October 2011

Disorientated Feelings (Part 41)

Since I am quite close to Saeko's company, I could drop by there to ask for help, but the level of rivalry of Powell staff with Hatsuya is so great that the former would refuse to corporate with the latter. Me wearing an outfit with Hatsuya's logo on it being glaringly obvious and not knowing how to take it off kind of rules out heading there for help. They probably don't even give me a chance to explain myself.

Either way, I contacted Saeko to see if she's not busy. From the voices I heard in the background, Saeko seemed glad to use me as an excuse to get out of the situation she was in at the time I called her, though Saeko didn't say what she was doing at that time. Oddly, she said not to tell my husband about it yet.

When she saw me, she knew immediately knew that I had went to Mizuho and my discomfort with the clothes I couldn't take off. Apparently, I was wearing the rarely-seen Hatsuya Research uniform that non-Mizuho based staff would wear, which has a separate version. The adjustments that my principal did to all Mizuho girls was not reflected on Saeko as she wasn't there today.

Saeko: "I can see that you had been Mizuho just as I suspected... I wasn't able to warn you about this earlier because you had never been in there before, but Yuko and I were suffering with the strange happenings that nobody is able to talk about or be able to take action to stop it."

You are indirectly saying that it is normal?!
From your tone of voice, it seems that you two never liked it despite having being there for so long. I even wonder how students who had studied there, or branches of companies located there, produced among the best performance in the world?

Saeko: "As for your clothes, to be able to take it off, you would need to first find a place where no one could see you. Could be anywhere, as long as it's outside Mizuho. Also, you should make sure that nobody knows that you are changing at that spot. I would like to help you on the places you could change at, but if I knew where you are changing, it wouldn't work. Your body should return back to normal if you managed to change out of it, but probably not your clothes from before you enter if it's your first time. I think you know about the clothes that I never wore, or the places that I own. Well, I'm in the middle of something, so I have to go now. You can now talk to Itsuki if you have more questions if you have something to ask about."

So that's why the principal saying to wear the clothes I care about the least, because I can't get it back. Saeko is hinting to change at any one of her houses she owns. The house I currently live in is co-owned with me and my husband, but Saeko reimbursed the money I spent on it and my car.

Saeko is rich from being the founder of one of the largest research companies around, and an important research subject of Hatsuya, but not willingly. She receives money a lot quicker than she could spend, even after giving it away to people or spending it on a lot of expensive things. She has to spend it in a way that won't attract attention, including helping people.

Anyway, the key and passes I have with me now would point me to choose which one of the houses Saeko owns I should go to. The nearest has its entrance inside her office at Powell, and the other close her parents' house. The former being out of the question as I don't have access to that. I'm not sure about the latter as it's one of the more frequent places she goes to, but might not go there knowing my situation. Other houses are at unfamiliar places or are out of the way for me to head to.

Except for a small number that I know of, all of her properties looks big and high-class. It appears that Saeko herself does not know how many properties she has as she had unexpectedly inherited them, including her wealth and the Powell institute, from her other self in an another dimension. My husband doesn't own them, but being biologically identical as Saeko (besides gender differences) means that he could easily fool the security system that uses thumbprint or eye scan as they think that my husband is Saeko. If it weren't for me, my husband could easily invade Saeko's privacy despite the security measures.

*****

So, after changing out of one of the most troublesome-to-remove and strangest outfit I've ever worn, I headed home where my children are waiting for me. It was the strangest experience ever.

Itsuki: "You're back. Where did you..."

I brought him away from my children so that they can't hear our conversation.

Me: "I had just been told that I was originally born a boy, and all these years you and Saeko knew about it but didn't tell me?! After all these years of me living as a woman?"

Itsuki: "Well, I was thinking about telling you, but I didn't want you to kill yourself over it. Especially after seeing a video from an alternate past where you were attacked and had your eyes removed, and were killed by a train because you can't see. Also, you managed gave birth to our children a few times."

I really feel like punching him in the face, but I held back: he does not have any involvement with it. Being told that I was born a boy after living many years as a girl seem to have come out of nowhere, and make me go "you're kidding, right?" as the male features on me seemed non-existent. However, this news came from people who are not likely to lie to me, and explains the mysteries about my family. My parents, siblings, and myself only exist because of a long-term science experiment, with the irony that I would take over the very person and company that did this to me, though that is only because I am his only suitable relative to take over without resorting to outsiders and has nothing to do with being a test subject.

Me: "Sorry. It's just that I just got too obsessed of keeping a professional image that my stress level got built up."

My life is not to be played around with, but it already had from the very beginning in ways that could have been completely different if it didn't happen. Even my own parents were irresponsible and had me while they were still in high school, but I can't control when I would be born, or who my parents are. I just want a normal life... I've been forced to love Itsuki since I first met him by making me feel that I actually like him until I look back and realize how strange for me to fall in love with someone that I wasn't interested with and unable to live without him. I tried to live away from him, but not seeing him for too long has made me insane. It's one of those things where even I don't understand my own behavior.

It's for this reason, and the children I had with him, that I can't divorce him no matter how angry I may be at him. I've been told that this was a result of a curse on me that I had since sometime before I was in kindergarten. My whole life seems nothing but a joke. I just don't want to repeat it for my children from their point of view.

Looking on the positive side, at least I'm still alive and there are people who really care about me.

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中野区, 東京都, Japan
帰国子女 英語能力は堪能。趣味はアニメや漫画やプログラムコードを編集。通常、あたしの小説を英語で書いてです。Grew up abroad &travelled to different countries. I write my own fictional novel on my blog.